Dangers of a Bored God
by Paradoxlune
Summary: Gods do exist... And are a rather dysfunctional family. What happens when Paradox, goddess of Chaos, Impossibilities and time travel is bored and decides to meddle in the life of one Harry Potter?
1. A Plan is Made

The Dangers of a Bored Goddess

A plan is made

Paradox was bored. No one had done anything interesting with time travel in far too long in her opinion. Even The Doctor had been behaving himself! That simply wasn't any fun, and when Paradox, Goddess of impossibilities, couldn't find any fun, she invariably made some of her own. With that conclusion reached, Paradox then set her mind to what impossible events she'd bring about. After all, she could easily go anywhere in time and do anything without fear of consequences as she controlled those very same consequences. It was so easy to break the rules if you made them! Before too long, a smirk stretched her far too human features.

Paradox was one of the few Gods who stuck to one form, that of an 18 year old girl with dark golden hair and bright, clear jade green eyes set in a well proportioned face with skin as smooth and pale as alabaster and pink, full lips that were always ready to smile and laugh at the world. The only things that hinted at her immortal god status were her slightly elongated incisors and the fact that her eyes literally GLOWED. But at the moment she appeared truly human and even younger than the age her body was frozen at as she skipped happily down the corridor of her home. Eventually she reached her destination of a door identical to her own and calmly waltzed in. Sitting on the bed was a boy who seemed to be her male double although he had a swirling black and silver tattoo taking up the whole left side of his face. Presently his features were twisted into a dark scowl;

"Paradox! How many times must I ask you to knock!"

Paradox smiled and flopped down on the bed next to the figure, shrugging elegantly,

"Only a few more thousand times brother Death dearest. I was simply coming to say goodbye and tell you where you can find me for the foreseeable future."

This response caused Death to stare for a moment before sighing and collapsing down to cuddle into his sisters' side and ask;

"Alright, where are you going and how much chaos are you causing?"

"Well, brother dearest, as it is decidedly too boring at the moment I am taking drastic action by kidnapping Harry Potter and Tom Riddle while leaving the original timeline unharmed in terms of Tom's rise to power and the events of Halloween 1981, but then I swoop in and raise them both as twins, but slightly further back in time so they'll be in the Weasley twins year and then they'll work together to bring down the great and powerful Dark Lord Voldemort and bring an end to Albus Dumbledore's manipulations. And possibly get myself a boyfriend along the way, beyond that I plan to wing it."

Death blinked a few times then cursed in several different languages and stared some more, then groaned while declaring;

"This is your craziest plan to date! It's even worse than the whole mess with Jack Sparrow! PLEASE be careful and I'll make sure to check up on you every now and again seeming as I can't talk you out of it. What name are you using?"

"The Jack Sparrow incident was not my fault! Fate is a bitch and messed up all my plans I'll have you know. And I'm going by the name of Pandora Wild-Black, daughter of Simeon Black, Squib son of the Black family."

Deaths only response to all this was to shake his head and pull his crazy sister closer. He knew something like this would happen soon, she'd been driving all the gods mad with her pranks for far too long and needed a distraction. Still, he couldn't help his worry, she was his twin, they may be very different gods, but they were still two parts of a whole, and matched each other in every way. He had been the planner of many of her finest pranks and she pulled him back when his job became too much. She was his everything and if she was going down to earth, he'd be there more often than not, keeping her safe and from doing anything too wild in her pursuit of entertainment. He was Death, the inevitable reality, and she was his twin sister, Paradox, the ever changing where the impossible became reality.


	2. Creating the Family

Creating the Family

 **Hello my readers,**

 **Thank you for reading my first ever uploaded story! I am writing this as I go, but will attempt to update once a week hopefully more, but if I don't then I apologise. Obviously I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters even if I love using them… This is all purely for fun. Although I do own all my original characters (Gods) but I don't mind if someone wishes to use one as long as they tell me so I can read what they've written.**

 **I also don't own any of the other stories mentioned in this fic.**

 **Enjoy my madness!**

Paradox was feeling decidedly happier already. It had been a moments work to create the correct documentation to show that Pandora Serena Wild-Black existed and had just moved to her family's original home of the UK, specifically Scotland. Paradox had always been fond of Scotland, it was such a deliciously chaotic place. And the Fae lived here! They lived to do the impossible and mess with time.

Now all she needed was a house…

It didn't take very long, after all, she'd made sure she'd have more than enough funds and as Goblins knew all about her (Even if it was to try and avoid anything to do with her) they were all too eager to please. So soon enough Pandora Black stood in the hallway of her new home, a cosy little cottage on the west coast of Scotland, with just enough space to raise two kids and have a guest room.

Now all that was missing was the kids, and whomever she roped in to help with her plans of Dark Lord destruction. Speaking of all that, she should probably work out what she wanted to do beyond getting the kids… Nah! Winging it was way more fun, and created much more delightful chaos.

"Nice place you've got yourself sister dear."

An amused voice stated from right behind Paradox as she set up the Nursery. This caused her to jump a mile.

"Death! Do you HAVE to sneak up on me?"

She whined, face set in a pout as she turned to glare at him. The glare quickly melted away though as she was swept into her brothers arms as he twirled her around the room, her shrieking loudly the whole way. Once both her feet were firmly set back on the ground she grinned up at him before commenting;

"Missed you too, brother mine."

Her grin only widened at his put upon sigh and drooping shoulders.

" _Of course_ I missed you! The house is no fun without you around and Aunty Fate's been making off with some of my souls again! And now you're not there to prank her for it… Mum's being all philosophical again and Dad's locked himself in his workroom creating goodness knows what and all our cousins are off doing something stupid and now _my own twin_ is off messing with the mortals!"

By the end of his rant Death was close to shouting and looked more upset than he had in a while, Paradox's smile had vanished near the beginning as well and now she simply looked sad.

"I'm sorry, I did choose a rubbish time to get bored, but there is a spare room and you can always stay here whenever you want. I'll probably need the help while raising two powerfully magical mortals at the same time."

She finished with a wry smirk as she drew Death in for a hug. He let her and visibly relaxed in her hold.

"Now!"

Paradox stated as she switched back to her bubbly, mad mood that was her default state.

"Who wants to go collect some children?"

Death simply sighed resignedly as he raised his hand. Paradox's smile turned slightly feral and she rubbed her hands together.

"Excellent! Lets start with Tom, shall we? That's going to take quite a bit of impossibility work and rule breaking on my part. More than with Harry at least! OOOH, this is going to be _fun_!"

And with that she whisked the two of them away to the day after Tom Riddle was born.

When they arrived, Tom was, blessedly, asleep. Paradox immediately set to work wielding her own peculiar magic. To be honest, even SHE wasn't entirely sure what she was doing. However, as far as she could work out it was similar to taking the original Tom Riddle, and making a _very good_ almost perfect copy to leave behind. The only flaw was that the copy would eventually go insane, but as the original was going to destroy his sanity anyway if left there, she didn't see that as a problem. Once she was done extracting Tom Riddle without changing the future _yet_ , she scooped the original into her arms and vanished back to 1980, the year of Harry's birth. It was at this point that Death saw a snag in an otherwise perfectly followed plan:

"Weren't you planning to start raising them from 1978? So that they'd be in the same year as the Weasley twins?"

"Well… Yes… _Originally_ that's exactly what I planned, but, that would raise too many questions if Harry showed up not only with a twin but also _two years too early_. And they can still make friends with the Weasley twins even if they're not in the same year."

Death nodded to this with a look of dawning understanding,

"Right, you'll already be under enough scrutiny from Dumbledore for taking his precious saviour from under his nose without revealing yourself as a time traveller of sorts."

"Exactly! Now, onwards my dear Watson to Godric's Hollow!"

And with that all three of them vanished, the last thing to be heard was Deaths whine of;

"Why am _I_ Watson?"

The collection of Harry was child's play compared to Tom's, they simply appeared the moment after Voldemorts destruction, picked Harry up from the crib and vanished back to 1980, de-aging him on the way so that by the time they got back, Harry was a day old again and asleep.

"Ok! That makes both their birthday's in this time the 31st of July and we've got over a year before I get to witness the chaos his disappearance will cause. I wonder what Severus and Sirius will do?"

"Paradox… Maybe we should have this conversation when we're both not holding a sleeping baby? They might wake up."

Paradox promptly shut up and walked over to the large turquoise double cot she'd set up in the Nursery and placed Harry gently down before turning and retrieving Tom so she could do the same before tucking a blanket round each of them, midnight blue for Harry, sea green for Tom. Then both Gods just stood there, looking down at their new charges. They made an odd family, the two twin Gods of Chaos and Death and the two dark haired babies that, without this interference, would have become the bitterest of enemies born decades apart. Only a God could have brought them together as twins.

 **A/N So this is the new chapter! Hope you enjoyed it and I'll try and write the next one soon.**

 **Now, I'm conflicted over what I want to do with Severus and Sirius, I don't want to see Sirius in Azkaban or Severus bound to Dumbledore, so they'll both know the truth about Paradox, it's just how involved I want them to be in the raising of the Wild-Black twins (If at all).**


	3. Seeing the Fallout

**Well this is the new chapter! Hope you're all still enjoying it so far... I should warn people that as I'm nearing the end of my final year at high school, updates may become irregular. However. I promise to update as often as I can! My muse won't shut up anyway...**  
 **I don't own Harry Potter, I just use the characters.  
**  
 **On with the story!**

 ****

A year had passed for the odd little family Paradox had created and the boys were now a year old. To say that it hadn't been easy for Paradox was an understatement... She'd never fully appreciated just how much work looking after two children would  
be! Add in the fact that they were both magically powerful and frequently performed accidental magic it was little wonder that Death practically lived there to help out. They'd once found the two of them floating around the ceiling of their nursery  
giggling quietly. Despite all this, Paradox loved every second of it. After all, she never had time to be bored anymore! But now she was excited for a new reason, soon she'd get to see the results of her meddling! She couldn't wait! After refraining  
from simply jumping through time to watch she was on tender hooks. Finally the day arrived, and she disappeared off to Godric's Hollow leaving Death to babysit the twins. 

* * *

Severus Snape staggered into the ruined cottage praying he wouldn't find what he knew he would. She had to be alive, she just had to. If she wasn't, what was the point in his existence? He took the stairs two at a time, ignoring Potters crumpled body  
at the foot of them. The whole house was eerily silent, and Severus hated it.  
 _'Please, make some noise. Prove there's someone left alive in here! Please...'_

But no noise came as he slowly approached the blasted in doorway.  
And then he saw her. His whole world was lying on the ground, lifeless,crimson hair spread out on the floor like a pool of blood, head turned towards the doorway, eyes unseeing. His beautifulLily-flower was dead and it was all his fault. He  
was dimly aware of moving, collapsing on the ground beside her body and gathering her close as he sobbed and sobbed. She was gone. The only good thing in his life was gone. As he gently closed her eyes he finally became aware that there still  
wasn't any sound. Was the baby dead too? Finally looking at the cot, dreading the answer, he instead was met with nothing. The cot was empty. Where was Lily's son? The only thing left for him to protect of Lily's. Now there was nothing for him  
to do or live for, so why should he?  
"Don't. He's alive and with me."  
Voice suddenly spoke from the doorway behind him. Severus whipped around, wondering who the hell had managed to sneak up on him?! He was meant to be a spy! What he saw was not what he expected by a long way... A girl, no older than maybe 20, stood  
in the doorway. She had dark golden hair cut into a feathery bob and large green eyes only a shade lighter than Lily's. She was tall with an air of strength about her that Severus couldn't place for the life of him. Then he finally registered  
what she'd said.  
"Harry's alive?"  
The pain in his chest had eased slightly at that knowledge, then she was speaking again.  
"Yes. My brother's looking after him at the moment. I'll send you a letter with instructions on how to visit soon and I'll explain everything then. There isn't enough time at the moment as someone else will be here soon. Just promise me not to get  
involved any further with Dumbledore, he's a manipulative bastard that doesn't have Harry's best interests at heart. If he had his way Harry would be living with Petunia."  
Severus could only gaps in horror after that pronouncement. Was Dumbledore insane?! Petunia was the last person you would ever send a magical child too!  
"Alright. But I expect answers and soon."  
She smiled at that,  
"I expected nothing less."  
And then she was gone, and Severus heard the roar of an approaching motorcycle and hurriedly moved to leave as well.  
' _Time to avoid Dumbledore.'_

And then he was gone. 

* * *

Sirius ran full pelt into the cottage. Damn Peter to hell! He would pay for betraying them! James! Oh god, no, JAMES! This couldn't be happening, his brother was dead and it was all Wormtails fault. But before he could go and eviserate that RAT he  
had to make sure that his pup was alright. Upon entering the nursery his heart stopped. Where was Harry?! He couldn't go on a revenge hunt until Harry was safe! Running back out of the house he crashed straight into Hagrid.  
"Hagrid! Thank god! Harry's disappeared and I need to find him and make sure he's ok. I'm scared that Pettigrew's got him! He was the secret keeper the little rat and now James and Lily are dead and Harry's gone! WHERE'S MY PUP!"  
And with that he disapperated leaving a very confused Hagrid in his wake.  
Paradox's grin rivalled that of a Cheshire Cat,  
' _That takes care of the Azkaban issue then. I'll have to send him a note as well, with him on my side I'll be able to keep Harry easily.'_

* * *

When Paradox arrived home it was to the sight of her brother standing on a chair while holding Harry while desperately trying to grab a hold of Tom who was racing around the ceiling laughing uproariously. His efforts weren't helped by the fact that  
Harry was trying to escape and join his brother in the air. Paradox couldn't help it, she burst out laughing and collapsed into the nearest chair. In the next moment, two twin balls of energy were barrelling through the air towards her yelling the  
war cry of "MUMMY!" While her brother glared at her from his vantage point of the kitchen chair.  
"It's not funny."  
He sniffed as he descended back down to floor level.  
"Oh, but it was!"  
Paradox called from underneath the two toddlers that were firmly cuddled into her sides. She sighed, relaxing back into the chair and pulling her two bundles of chaos closer.  
"I'm glad to be home." 

* * *

**A/N And I'm done! Next chapter includes letters, explanations and arguments!**


	4. I Knew I Forgot Something

I Knew I Forgot Something….

 **So here's the next chapter. It's a bit jumpy, but I wanted the effect it gave me of jumping places and characters and hopefully it works and you all like it. One of these days I'll write a longer chapter… When they get to Hogwarts, I promise! And don't worry, I plan to skip through a fair bit of their childhood, just giving enough to establish personalities and explore changes in the adult characters, bit more background on Paradox and Death as well.**

 **ANYWAY… I don't own Harry Potter, if I did there would be a lot more chaos and Weasley twins… And time travel… And less deaths… Thank you J.K Rowling for writing Harry Potter. It is my childhood. And now I get to mess around with it!**

Sirius had barely slept since Halloween and was now running purely on pepper-up potions and coffee. After storming into Amelia Bones' office and ranting about Harry vanishing and Wormtail having him everything was a bit of a blur. He vaguely remembered a lot of questions, possibly with Veritaserum, then a huge amount of movement and planning as all the Magical Law Enforcement officers who weren't out rounding up Death Eaters searched for Harry Potter and Peter Pettigrew. So far, there was no sign of either of them and Sirius was nearing his breaking point.

' _Where are they? Please, Harry, hold on! I'll find you pup, I promise. Where ever you are, I will rescue you and no one will ever hurt you again. I'll kill them first…'_

Meanwhile, in a cottage up in Scotland, Paradox suddenly shot upright in bed before flinging herself across the room at the door. Once she'd succeeded in wrenching the door open she dove down the hallway to her brother's room and proceeded to burst in while shouting;

"I knew I bloody forgot something! Wake UP! I forgot about the Longbottoms and Sirius! He'll be tearing his hair out by now! Get up, get UP!"

"Whuzzat?"

Mumbled Death as he blinked blearily up at his frantic twin who frantically started hurling clothes at him.

"Hurry! The Longbottom attack is tonight! I may have not been allowed to save the Potters but I'll be damned if I don't manage to save the Longbottoms! I mean, you've SEEN how his Gran raises him! Come on, get UP!"

With this final statement she waved a hasty arm at herself to change her own clothes before bodily throwing her unwilling twin from the bed.

"Alright, ALRIGHT! Are you forgetting that you're the Goddess of bloody TIME TRAVEL?!"

This statement seemed to make it's way through the panic hazing Paradox's mind and made her pause in her frantic movements, her face morphing to a slightly guilty expression.

"Oops?"

She tried, smiling nervously up at him. At this he sighed,

"It's ok… I'm up now so we can get going. To the Longbottoms, then."

And with that they disappeared away to conduct their latest rescue mission.

When they arrived it was to find Bellatrix and Rudolphus cursing Alice while Rabastian restrained Frank. Barty however, was huddled in a corner looking horrified, Neville held tightly in his arms. Paradox took in the scene with a glance and sighed. Looks like she'd be receiving another houseguest. Damn her soft heart! Then she remembered the screaming woman she was here to save and with a casual wave of her arm, she'd stunned all three Lestranges and released Frank from Rabastians spell. As soon as he could move, Frank was sprinting across the room to check on Alice. Paradox knew she would never recover complete control of her outer nerves, but it was better than what could have happened. Now to give Neville over to his parents and see what could be done about Barty. She sighed resignedly as she moved towards Barty's corner, for a God, she really did have an obsession with saving everyone.

"Barty? Can I take Neville to give back to his parents and then I can see about helping you."

His horror filled eyes locked on hers and she could see he was shaking.

"They said they wouldn't hurt them! They _promised_. Th-they've all been so nice to me. Only my mother's ever been as nice as that to me before. W-why would they do this? I-I didn't want to do it earlier, why would they break in if they just want to talk?! And I don't remember getting here, just being here! Please help me. This happened before and then the Dark Mark appeared on my arm. They promised it was just to protect me from their other friends, that they might try to attack me if I didn't have it! W-w-why? Why did this have to happen?"

Paradox simply sighed before prising Neville from his tight grip, Neville was wailing loudly and needed a parent to calm him. She then swiftly passed him over to Death who then turned sharply to carry him to his parents and explain what had happened with Barty. As soon as Neville was safely deposited in her brothers arms, Paradox pulled Barty into her arms and set about soothing and shushing the shaking man who was barely out of his teenage years. This was yet another person whom she couldn't leave to succumb to insanity or in this ones case, maniacal devotion. No one seemed to realise how utterly Barty's mind had been shattered and warped by his time under the Imperius curse until very little of the real Barty Crouch Jr. was left.

"Thank you for protecting Neville, Barty."

Alice whispered hoarsely from across the room. Barty's head whipped up in shock before he buried it deeper against Paradox's shoulder while whispering

"I'm sorry" over and over again to himself.

"And thank you, for saving us, whoever you two are."

Paradox grinned at that.

"Glad to help. I'm Pandora Serena Wild-Black. That menace standing over there with you would be my twin brother, Mort Lono Wild-Black. We're cousins of Sirius' from Australia, only just moved here a month ago to help out where we could." Now, if you'll excuse me, I've left my adoptive sons alone in the house and I wouldn't put it past them to wake up and destroy the house while we're away."

She actually managed to make Alice laugh at that comment.

"Alright, you'd better get home, we should probably go to St. Mungos anyway. Please owl us soon though, I'd like to get to know my rescuers."

Paradox grinned at her.

"Oh, I'm sure I will. Our sons are the same age after all. Mort, lets head back."

And with that, Paradox whisked Barty away with her back to her house. She really had to sort her collecting strays issue. It always happened.

Once home, she led Barty to the guest room, (previously her brothers) and fed him a dreamless sleep potion she had bought the other day before heading downstairs. She had a letter to write. Oh… And a sofa to transfigure into a bed. There she went forgetting things again.

Early the next morning, Sirius was downing his latest round of pepper-ups and coffee when a letter appeared with a flash before falling on the table in front of him. It was a clear sign of how exhausted he truly was that he didn't bother checking for any hexes, curses or jinxes. He simply opened it and started to read…

 _Dear cousin Sirius,_

 _I should have written this letter days ago, however, time completely escaped both my brother and me. Before I go any further, I'd better introduce myself. My name is Pandora Wild-Black, the daughter of Simeon Black. Me and my twin brother were both born with magic and when dad died we decided to seek out the only member of the Black family that Simeon talked about frequently. You._

 _We've been here searching for the past month, rounding up Death Eaters as we went. We always seemed to miss you though… This is when the story gets complicated._

 _On Halloween, we were in Godric's Hollow, just wandering around when a house seemed to appear out of nowhere and we could hear screaming. Naturally we rushed towards whatever was happening as quickly as possible. We found James Potter dead in the hallway (We knew what he looked like as we'd been told he was your best friend and could help us find you). However, we could still hear the shouting and screaming coming from upstairs. Halfway up the stairs the screaming stopped and the next minute the house was rocked with an explosion. We raced up the stairs and into the room to find a dead woman and a baby crying in a cot, clearly injured. We knew this had to be Harry, your Godson. We had no idea who was in the area, or who would be the first to arrive._

 _All we knew was that the structure wasn't safe, there were possibly Death Eaters in the area and Harry was injured in some way. Plus, as your Godson, he's family as far as we're concerned. So we took him with us. I specialise in obscure magic and magical anomalies, and my brother specialises in healing. Still it took us the two days to correct the damage done, and in all the chaos I completely forgot that you were probably tearing your hair out with worry. I apologise profusely and will come to collect you to meet your Godson tomorrow morning at noon as well as to further explain the events that transpired._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Pandora Serena Wild-Black_

Sirius could only stare at the letter blankly for a few moments after he'd read it. His Godson was safe. His Godson was with his distant cousins from bloody Australia. His Godson was safe and his cousins had healed him. Heaving a huge sigh of relief, Sirius put his head down on the table and _finally_ fell asleep, a contented smile on his face. He would see Harry tomorrow.

 **A/N I hope everyone likes what I did with Barty Crouch Jr. I always found the changes in him since his trial incredibly sad and wanted a way to reason how he went from this terrified child that seemed unable to curse anyone and so very, very confused to this clearly insane and maniacally devoted Death Eater. My answer? A mixture of manipulation and carefully applied Imperius.**


	5. Explanations

**Hello world… Sorry I haven't updated in a little while. I kind of fell ill… It literally felt like flu combined with a migraine. I have been hiding in my bedroom with the curtains drawn for the past week. But now I'm back! My more vampire habits are under control and I can write again.**

 **As you should know, I don't own Harry Potter, I do claim all original characters though.**

 **Enjoy and if my remaining illness has scrambled my brains more than usual I apologise.**

The next day dawned bright and early. As usual, Paradox and Death were roused from sleep by the giggling that informed them that the twin menaces were awake and up to something. Again. Honestly, if Death didn't know any better he would swear they were the true blood children of his insane sister. This morning, the chaotic duo had animated _all_ of their toys and were directing them around the room. As soon as the gods set foot in the room they were assaulted by dragons, unicorns, kelpies, tigers, knights and many others accompanied by the war cry of " _Mummy!"_ originating from the instigators themselves. Death merely stood in the doorway, observing the latest in a series of apparently impossible events that surrounded his adopted nephews. Once the room was in a semblance of order and breakfast was taken care of, Paradox settled the two restless one year olds down with some colouring in, (pretty scribbling). Then she turned to her brother.

"I need you to collect Severus Snape and Sirius Black for me. We need to explain everything we're doing to them and remove that hideous mark for Sevvy."

Death merely smirked in acknowledgment. The mark was his jurisdiction unfortunately. He was truly disgusted with what that monster had done to the noble art of necromancy.

"Do not forget the highly unstable and abused teenager you have hidden up in my room."

He drawled in response. People were entirely up to her, he never got as involved as she did. She dignified him with a glare before flouncing off upstairs to check on Barty. He laughed fondly and disappeared to deal with his instructions.

He went after Sirius first. Harry would recognise him even with being raised from birth all over again. The wonders of his sisters magic. Not only had Harry kept his previous memories but she'd also gifted both boys with eidetic memories. When he arrived in the Auror room dedicated to the kidnapping case, it was to find Sirius Black slumped over the table, sound asleep with his sisters letter still clutched in his hand. Death didn't have the heart to wake him so simply transported them both straight home and settled him on the sofa bed he'd used last night. Then he was off to find Severus Snape. He couldn't wait for the first time Paradox called the Potions Master 'Sevvy' to his face. That would be a wonderful, treasured moment. It came as no surprise that Severus was camped out somewhere remote and heavily warded. Good, he'd taken their warning seriously. Instead of just transporting the man away, he instead chose to show himself first. This man had been a spy for about a year now. You don't ambush spies. It never ended well. So, stepping out of the shadows he said;

"Severus Snape, it is time to answer your questions regarding Halloween. Please come with me and I will take you to my sister and Harry Potter."

"About time!"

Severus snarled viciously.

"I've been avoiding Dumbledore so far, but I can't hide for much longer. Add the Aurors going after Death Eaters and I'm a dead man."

Death smirked at that. I will have removed that mark by the end of the day. They can't arrest you if you aren't marked after all."

This statement actually succeeded in shocking the spy speechless. He could be free of the mark. If this was a dream he was never waking up. He finally came back to himself enough to notice that the strange man with that tattooed face was still talking.

"…I bet you anything she'll make me free her newest stray at the same time. _Honestly_. The girl's too kind hearted for our own good."

"Who, exactly, are you wittering on about?"

Severus bit out. Too shocked to react calmly.

"Oh, my twin sister of course. She's the instigator of this whole mess. You actually met her at Godric's Hollow."

Severus finally worked out why the man looked so familiar and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"I should have know."

"Well? Are we going?"

Death was getting rather impatient now and was wishing he'd gone with his original method and damn the consequences. Severus' sharp nod caused him to sigh his relief and hold out an arm. As soon as Severus had a firm grip on his arm they were away.

They arrived to find Sirius still sound asleep while Harry and Tom crawled all over him, giggling quietly. Death was immediately on his guard. Those giggles meant magic.

"Paradox! They've done something to Sirius! Come here and help!"

At that Paradox came tearing down the steps two at a time looking extremely worried.

"What is it now? Hovering? Flying? Animate inanimate objects? Coloured rain? Rainbows? Knives? Flooding? The apocalypse?"

Severus' face grew more and more incredulous as the list went on.

"You don't expect me to believe they've done all that."

Paradox waved distractedly at him.

"We haven't had the last one yet. We expect it any day now though. Luckily it appears that it's just a sleeping charm this time."

Severus found himself gaping for the second time that day.

"Mort, grab them. They look like they're about to fly again and I'm not chasing them around the ceilings again. I'll wake up Sirius."

That's when Severus finally realised exactly _who_ the toddlers had been tormenting and recoiled.

"What is that filthy mutt doing here?!"

He spat, looking livid.

Paradox whirled around, eyes flashing.

"Severus Tobias Snape! This man may have bullied you in school and I may plan on punishing him for it severely _but_ he is also Harry's Godfather so has a right to an explanation just like you. I am trying to help you all you stubborn man so I would be grateful if you could manage to be civil."

Severus was left gaping for the third time that morning. The last person to tell him off like that had been Lily. The surge of grief that stemmed from that knowledge was enough for him to offer no further protest. Instead he stood back and watch as she bent over Black muttering a spell. Wandlessly, he belatedly realised with a start.

"There."

The woman the other man had referred to as Paradox stepped back with a satisfied smirk. Curious now, he stepped forward and enquired delicately.

"What did you do?"

He was almost hit in the face as she waved her arms vaguely around.

"Oh, not much. Just forced him to experience every encounter you had with the Marauders from your point of view, emotions included. Simply trying to make him realise that his actions have consequences and that not all Slytherins are evil."

Severus could only stare at her in a fascinated kind of horror. That was perfect form of payback. Make the bully become the bullied. His respect for this woman rose exponentially. That was a move worthy of a Slytherin.

His thoughts were interrupted however when the man named Mort appeared declaring that the boys were watching some nonsense called 'Panda go Panda'.

At almost the same time, Sirius groaned and sat up, gazing around blearily. His eyes caught on Snape first, but instead of the usual taunts and insults, he looked ashamed and glanced away. It appeared the punishment had worked rather well. Sirius finally noticed the twins standing at the end of his bed and seemed to gulp. Severus had to admit, they were intimidating when seen together. Bother were tall, the brother being quite a bit over 6 ft with his sister at around 5 ft 9 inches. They were well muscled and seemed to ooze power from their eyes. Morts tattoo certainly didn't help matters at all. Of course the whole image was ruined when Paradox bounced across to Sirius and flung herself down to say;

"Hello dear cousin, ready to hear all about our story?"

"Where's Harry?"

Sirius countered.

"Being kept busy after we rescued you from his and Toms clutches."

"Who's Tom."

"That's part of the story!"

Severus watched, vaguely amused as Sirius Black pouted like a small child.

"Fine! Start already!"

Paradox beamed at him and conjured four chairs by the fire before bouncing across to one like an over excited teen. Severus merely sighed and followed, he was not in the mood for offering resistance. Once they were all seated. The twins opposite the two confused men, Paradox began.

"Alright, this will all sound completely unbelievable and you'll want to lock us up in a secure ward somewhere but I swear on my magic and life that everything I say here is the complete truth. So mote it be."

Severus and Sirius both relaxed slightly at the safeguard against lies. Although they were scared as to what could possibly warrant it.

"Ok then, me and my brothers real names are Paradox and Death. We are, in reality, Gods. Deaths jurisdiction should be obvious from his name. I'm a bit more complicated. I preside over a few, smaller issues. Specifically, Time travel, impossibilities that still occur and chaos. Technically, that puts magic under my jurisdiction too."

At that she paused, but the two men were too stunned to talk or do anything except stare.

"Um… right. The thing you need to understand before I continue is that me and Death are the youngest in our family, meaning we aren't given a lot of leeway and have to bow to their wishes, even though my brother and by extension me, will outlive them all. Our worst adversaries are our mother Time and her sister Fate. They hate us rather viciously and always cause problems for us. If we go against them we could end up imprisoned for a couple hundred years."

Sirius finally found his voice at that.

"That gives a whole new meaning to the term 'family issues'."

The gods chuckled weakly at that.

"You have no idea. Anyway, I have a bad habit of getting involved in mortal matters and changing things. Ultimately ending in the creation of a parallel universe. I wanted to sort out the mess that the wizarding world has become and in the process hatched one of my maddest, most complicated, _brilliant_ plans to date."

"I'm just hoping we don't have another incident like with those pirates"

Death grumbled good-naturedly. Paradox reached across and swatted his arm.

"Hush you. Insane mastermind rant going on here. As I was saying, I planned a way to bring down Voldemort once and for all. How? Very simple. I messed with time quite majorly. Tom that you saw earlier is in reality Tom Marvolo Riddle, a young Lord Voldemort, taken from his time the day after he was born. I left a copy that did exactly what he would have done in the original timeline so nothing changed during those years. That was one of _dearest mothers_ restrictions. I couldn't simply prevent Voldemort from rising. The other major things I have done are to remove Harry from Godric's Hollow and transport him back to the 1st of August, de-aging his body while preserving his memories. The other thing I was prevented from altering was the deaths of James and Lily Potter. She was painfully persistent on that point. I've been raising them as twins. Going as far as to blood bond them as such. You'll see the differences when you see them. And last night we saved the Longbottoms from being tortured into insanity and Barty Crouch Jr. from going to Azkaban for trusting his friends and being Imperiused. He's upstairs now, I explained briefly to him earlier and he's still processing everything. Any questions?"

Sirius sat forward at that,

"Is it possible to murder your mother for her spitefulness?"

"Unfortunately not. I've lived with her since this universe began and I'm still at a loss."

Severus was watching her closely then barked out;

"Who can we trust?"

The twins grimaced slightly at that.

"Not Dumbledore certainly. If he got his way Sirius would spend 12 years in Azkaban, Severus would go back to spying and be forced to give up everything and Harry would walk to his death like a sacrificial lamb at 17."

The two young men's faces were ashen by the time she was done.

"Right… No trusting the bearded wonder then."

Sirius quipped in an attempt to lighten the tense atmosphere. Severus snorted and raised an imperious eyebrow.

"Indeed."

The room relaxed slightly after that, that was, until Paradox heard _giggling_. She promptly froze before slowly facing her brother. Her look of horror was mirrored on his face.

"The giggling is near the ceiling"

She whispered.

"They're flying again."

Death whispered back. Looking like the world was ending.

"Death, you can get rid of that disgusting brand on Severus' forearm while I fetch Barty for the same treatment. Sirius, my dear, noble friend, you have the job of capturing the flying twins. Good luck my friend. You'll need it. You too, Sevvy!"

And before Severus had time to do more than splutter, she was out of sight. Death was currently roaring with laughter at the look of pure indignation on the Potions Masters face. When he was finally able to control himself he grabbed Severus' forearm and dragged the sleeve up as screeches of

" _Unca Siri!"_ and _"Help!"_ echoed in the background. Death glared at the offensive piece of butchered magic before he casually vanished it with a wave of his hand. Severus was still staring at his unmarked forearm when Barty was led in and freed from the mark in a matter of moments. Paradox grinned as the sound of crashes and Sirius' pleads for help reached her ears, she got the feeling she was going to be needing new rooms from now on.

 **A/N Thoughts? I was trying to work out their reactions when I realised that with something this big they might just be too shocked to react until later. So their explosions will be witnessed next chapter.**


	6. The Aftermath

**Yay! I'm back already!**

 **You know I don't own Harry Potter. Pretty sure J.K Rowling is sane. I'm not. Key difference.**

In the end everyone ended up spending the rest of the day at Paradox's cottage. Barty, Sirius and Severus all wandered around in a daze, thinking that this whole thing must be some bizarre dream. Unfortunately, when they woke up still in the cottage it finally hit home. Sirius was the loudest by far and Paradox wondered if it was possible to shatter windows through shouting.

" _SWEET MOTHER OF CIRCE! THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED! HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!"_

Paradox gingerly touched her ears to check they weren't bleeding then grouched;

"Good morning to you too, Padfoot. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes I did actually but that's _besides the point._ "

Paradox sighed. She'd preferred their shell-shocked attitude from yesterday. Much easier to deal with. With her thoughts somewhat in order she regarded the three men standing in her bedroom doorway. Sirius looked slightly deranged, somewhere between angry and scared. Severus was cool and collected as ever but his jaw was obviously clenched quite tightly and Barty just looked confused as if he wasn't sure why he was there exactly.

"Look, either I stepped in and did what I could or Harry grew up magic hating muggles, Severus was trapped into an agreement with Albus bloody Dumbledore, Sirius ended up in Azkaban, the Longbottoms went mad and Barty suffered through Azkaban and then being kept under the Imperius curse for years by his own father so I really think thanks are in order."

That made them all back down although Barty looked ready to cry. Paradox sighed again, she wasn't getting anything right this morning. At least Death was looking after the twins. He'd mumbled something about the beach and bolted.

"Barty, come here."

She pleaded, holding out her arms to enfold him in a hug as soon as he drew near enough.

"Your father isn't worth your time and you'll never have to put up with him again if you don't want to. I'll be adding in some extra rooms later on today so you'll always have somewhere to call home. That goes for all of you. Even if you only use it once in a blue moon."

Barty nodded from where he had his head hidden against her neck before cuddling closer.

"If I remember correctly, Barty is very close with the Lestranges, how did he end up with you?"

Paradox stared at him for a moment, weighing her options, but before she could say anything Barty spoke up.

"I _was_ very close to the Lestranges. They were all older than me by a couple of years and at Hogwarts friends were a rare thing for me. Father has always expected perfection from me, but everything I did was never enough. I've always been quiet and withdrawn, mainly so that people won't notice me and find me lacking in some way. The Lestranges were everything I wasn't: loud, popular, beautiful and intelligent. And they still made time for me. Seemed to care for me. But there are times when I don't remember what I was doing or why. I just one day found the mark on my arm and they were so happy and proud of me. I was never knowingly a Death Eater, just very heavily manipulated."

Severus merely nodded jerkily and remained silent, Sirius looked slightly sick thinking on what his cousin had done and Barty hid his face in Paradox's shoulder, shaking gently. They remained that way for a while until Sirius seemed to pull himself together.

"So… Can we tell people or if not, _what_ do we tell people?"

"Good question Sirius."

Paradox stated approvingly.

" Hadn't really thought about that myself that much, but for the general public we'll use the excuse I gave you in my letter. For people we need to help us, we'll say that we're time travellers working to change the future for the better. For family, the truth."

"Um… Who counts as family? Would Remus be ok?"

Paradox sighed at that, she really wasn't sure how to answer that one. Remus Lupin was a rather confusing individual.

"It depends on how much trust he has in Dumbledork and whether we could shake that trust with the truth. So I would say not until we know what his response would be."

Sirius seemed pained by the thought that his last remaining brother might not be trustworthy enough for this but still nodded in acceptance, if a little reluctantly.

"Good. Now that you've all calmed down and had your questions answered, we can actually start work on the new bedrooms."

It was the day before Harry and Tom's second birthday and everyone was gathered in the house for the next day. They had all changed, even in less than a year. Barty had grown in confidence and was living in the cottage full time, his bedroom was full of books on time travel and magical anomalies as he would soon be starting his apprenticeship as an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries. Sirius had, after much nagging, claimed his Black Lordship after his Grandfathers sudden death and was now capable of acting the part of a proper pureblood. At the moment though he was covered in icing sugar while attempting to help make icing for the birthday cake. Severus showed the greatest change though as he had finally started wearing clothes in colours other than his usual black and had allowed Paradox to fix his nose and teeth. He was also far more relaxed now that he wasn't spying and actually allowed himself to smile every once in a while. Paradox was very satisfied with the changes her interference had caused.

The birthday boys themselves grew closer every day. The blood bond Paradox had created for them had changed their physical appearance slightly. Tom's eyes were a deep blue-green and his hair had darkened to the same black as Harry's. Harry's hair had been tamed and now lay flat on his head. Small changes, but it was enough to make them appear like born twins.

Paradox herself was the happiest she'd been in decades. She had a large, chaotic family to look after and Dumbledore had yet to stick his overly large nose into her business. She knew he would sooner or later but she'd be ready for him.

The Longbottoms would be joining them tomorrow to celebrate all three of the children's' birthdays. Frank and Alice had become firm friends and had been given the simplified time traveller story they'd devised and were very supportive of their goal, especially after hearing about their fate if Paradox hadn't stepped in. Frank had actually stepped into a pseudo-older brother role with Barty, while Paradox was more a mentor and support system and Barty had been named an honorary uncle to Neville. Altogether, Paradox had successfully built a closely knit extended family that would stand together against anything that threatened their happiness. This was the start of the end for Dumbledore as all members were warned against him and his manipulations. He would never gain control over Harry, not this time. Now all that was left was a way to include the Weasley twins…

 **A/N Next time will be the Weasley twins' inclusion and the beginnings of Dumbledore's manipulations. Still not exactly sure how I'll handle those two events… I'll work it out though!**


	7. Diagon Alley

**I'm not entirely sure how this chapter will turn out… Guess I'll find out as I write. I really hope I get this right and how I wanted it! From now on I'll be jumping forwards through their life until Hogwarts so I can start the changes to the books in earnest.**

 **I obviously don't own Harry Potter or there would be much more insanity and chaos, usual spiel.**

Paradox was overly jumpy the morning of the twins' fourth birthday. They'd be heading into Diagon Alley today and she'd discovered that the Weasleys would be present. If everyone acted as they usually would, there was a high chance that the two pairs of twins would meet and start a friendship. Death was rather scared of the meeting as the Weasley parents were close to Dumbledore and this would be a perfect opportunity for Dumbledore to start his meddling. The twins themselves were happily oblivious to the tension as they scrambled to get ready for their birthday trip out. As they'd grown older, their bond had only grown stronger. They did everything together, and were pranking geniuses. They'd even caught Paradox, goddess of chaos herself. There was a noticeable shift in personalities compared to the original timeline. Tom was the more outgoing, rash one prone to impatience while Harry was the planner out of the two. They both had cunning in spades and their innocent stares were unrivalled in perfection. At that moment they were swapping coats and scarves, Harry was now dressed in Tom's outdoor clothes and vice versa. With that done they turned grinning faces up at their adopted mum.

"Can we…"

"…go now!"

They said, their twin speak working perfectly. Paradox groaned, she really wished that particular bit of accidental magic hadn't been permanent. It had happened a few months ago, Harry and Tom had been talking about how useful wordless communication could be when, lo and behold, a telepathic link formed. Sometimes having two extremely powerful wizards for children was too much. She knew it formed naturally for some born magical twins, but never blood joined ones. Then again, her sons had always proved the impossible possible. She was pulled from her thoughts by a loud chorus of;

" _Mum!_ "

"Alright, Alright! We're going! Hold on to my hands now. Death, grab my shoulder, I'm not doing this alone and everyone else is busy."

With a sigh Death dragged himself across the room and placed his hand lightly on his twins shoulder. This was going to be a long day, he could already tell.

The next moment the small family appeared in Diagon Alley and moved off towards the bank.

"Harry, Tom, you stay close to us and make sure you don't wander off. And no pranking innocent bystanders."

"Mum! Would we…"

"…Really do that? Don't you…"

"….Trust us…"

"At all?"

Paradox just stared at them silently. Her sons were sweet, kind, boys with eidetic memories, genius levels of intelligence and more magic than some adult wizards. So yes, she trusted them. She was also realistic.

At this point they reached the bank in time to hear the distinctive voice of Molly Weasley shouting

"Fred! George! Leave your brothers teddy bear _alone!_ You will not be turning it into anything. _Do you hear me!"_

Harry and Tom's attention was instantly arrested.

"Mum! They sound like fun! Can we meet them, can we?"

They pleaded in sinc.

Paradox simply grinned and started making her way towards the army of red heads that were clearly there to complete their Hogwarts shopping. Upon reaching them, Paradox tapped Molly's shoulder. Molly spun around, looking extremely flustered.

"Hello, you must be Mrs. Weasley. I'm Pandora Wild-Black and my sons wanted to make the acquaintance of your twins. They're pranksters you see and a complete nightmare. From the sound of things they're a younger version of your twins."

Molly's face instantly softened as she caught sight of Harry and Tom peering around Paradox's legs.

"They are adorable children. They even have your eyes."

Paradox laughed at that.

"They're not biologically mine although I'm told that they are definitely my children in terms of behaviour. I truly think that twin accidental magic is the worst possible thing imaginable. I'm lucky my Mastery gave me the skills to deal with these two monkeys."

Molly looked intrigued by this statement and promptly asked what her mastery was in.

"Oh, I have an Australian Mastery in obscure magics and anomalies. Which, when you have two magically powerful children is very useful."

Molly at this point seemed ready to burst with excitement.

"Oh, I'm so glad I met you, the twins are impossible and I'm always scared that they'll do something or have done something dangerous."

Paradox smiled kindly at the harried mother.

"If you want I can check them over now before taking them with me for my boys' birthday celebration. I think they'll get on like a house on fire."

Molly beamed at that before looking around for Fred and George. They were currently occupied in a serious discussion over pranks with Harry and Tom.

Once they had been successfully disengaged and returned to stand in front of Paradox, Paradox bent down and withdrew her 'wand'. It was really just a piece of polished wood, Paradox had no need for a wand, and her power was so vast that she'd burn out any wand she tried. After a few minutes of careful study, she announced;

"Well, there's the expected telepathic link that's been present since birth. Mine formed their own through accidental magic, which was far more worrying. They seem completely healthy, however…"

She then moved to the twin on the right and started casting spells at a rapid rate.

"Which twin's body are you?"

She asked the nervous looking child. At the odd question, the twins seemed to relax with looks of pure relief on their faces.

"Fred's body."

Paradox frowned at that.

"Yes… Fred's body, George's soul. That's certainly a new one."

Molly at this point was looking decidedly panicked.

"What does that mean?!"

She shrieked.

"It's means,"

Paradox murmured distractedly as she continued waving her wand in complex patterns over the pair of six year olds.

"That these two somehow switched bodies. I've encountered accidental telepathy, sleeping spells, animation, self-transfiguration, apparition and large scale levitation of objects, but never this. That is not a challenge."

She suddenly said sternly over her shoulder to her own twins.

"Now, if I combined that spell with that chant and added that movement then… yes. That would work."

And with that she abruptly stood, pointed her wand and started a very complex chant. What everyone didn't know is that she was making up nonsense to hide the fact that she was just using her powers as a god. Soon enough, there was a flash of light and the Weasley twins stumbled slightly before righting themselves. The people around were staring at the blatant display of powerful and complex magic in the middle of the wizarding bank. The Goblins just ignored the whole thing as they were not only used to Paradox's peculiarities, but was also one of the few races who instinctively recognised her god status.

"There you go, Molly. I added a component to the spell that should keep them from repeating the stunt in the future."

Molly Weasley sobbed slightly before pulling the younger woman into a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you! She mumbled incoherently. None of us would have realised. What if they'd been stuck like that?"

Paradox merely smiled and patted the distraught mother on the back, noticing the looks of hero worship she was getting from the older sons in the family who could understand what had just happened. Bill looked positively reverent.

"Anyway, Harry and Tom will be wanting to explore the Alley. When should I bring Fred and George back to you?"

Molly pulled back, sniffing and dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve.

"Oh, you can just floo back to the Burrow with them if you want. I'd love you to meet Arthur."

Paradox grinned and inclined her head at that.

"I'll do that then. Come on you group of troublemakers!"

And with that she led her party of four children back out of the bank. Death materialising back at her side now that the first meeting with these new people was out of the way.

"I see you've picked up the strays you were after."

"I see you successfully avoided the over-affectionate Molly Weasley."

Paradox retorted.

It was a accepted fact that Death couldn't stand physical affection unless it was from Paradox or the twins. Fred and George, who chose that moment to each tackle one of Deaths legs, sending him sprawling and the rest of the party into gales of laughter, ignored this fact. His mock glare and pout only made them laugh harder. The miracle of the day happened when Death seemed to accept Fred and George into his family group and proceeded to get his revenge by tickling the two mercilessly. Eventually, the party was able to continue their journey along the Alley. The Weasley twins dragged them all into Quality Quiditch Supplies to admire the brooms. Harry and Tom were decidedly unimpressed.

"Why bother…"

"…with a broom…"

"…It's far more fun…"

"…To fly without one."

This led to the Weasley twins interrogating the Black twins about their flying endeavours. Which moved on to all their accidental magic on both sets of twins' parts. Which led to pranking. Which led to all four of them wearing the devious smirks associated with serious prank planning. This caused Paradox and Death to consider, with a sinking feeling, that introducing the twins was possibly not the best idea in the world.

They were right. By the end of the day, Paradox had been ambushed by a set of robes, Death had had his shoelaces tied together, both their butter beers at lunch time had come alive and attacked their faces and a flock of birds had appeared out of thin air and chased them down the street. Luckily Paradox found the whole thing utterly brilliant while Fred and George enjoyed learning how to use their magic to aid in pranking. Death felt sorry for the rest of the Weasley family when he noticed this.

Far too soon for all involved, the day was over and it was time for Paradox to take the twins home. Death had already disappeared with her own two boys. So without missing a beat she scooped up the two six year old red heads, got one of them to throw in the floo powder, stepped into the emerald flames and shouted

"The Burrow!"

Before spinning away with her two young charges. The next minute she was stepping out of the fireplace into the Burrows welcoming kitchen and setting down her passengers among the five other redheaded children that decorated the warm room. Molly was stood at the stove stirring a pot of stew while the smell of fresh bread wafted from the oven.

"Oh! Hello Pandora dear, sit down at the table, Arthur will be home in a minute."

Grinning, Paradox collapsed into a free chair opposite Bill and waved at the two Hogwarts students sitting opposite her. Bill immediately started asking questions.

"Is your Mastery similar to curse breaking? What's it like? Is it difficult? Would I make a good curse breaker do you think?"

Paradox laughed at the eager questions coming from the thirteen-year-old sitting in front of her.

"Yes, it is similar in a way to curse breaking but it's far more involved. Curse breaking is simply where you are taught all about the different _known_ curses out there, how to recognise and then counter them. What I do focuses entirely on unknown or lost magics and also one off or usually impossible magical happenings, normally created through accidental or uncontrolled magic. It's very difficult as I never know what I'll come across next, and if it's possibly harmful I need to be able to design a counter for it as soon as I can. I think, judging by the levels of magic I can sense from you and your obvious enthusiasm that you'd make a great curse breaker."

Bill gave her an ear splitting grin at that, but before he could say anything else the fire flared again before depositing Mr Weasley on the hearthrug. The next few minutes was a whirl of greetings and explanations and before too long Paradox found herself being thanked profusely by Mr Weasley as well as repetitions of thanks from Mrs Weasley.

She spent a few more minutes with them before making her goodbyes, hugging the twins, Bill and Mrs Weasley and shaking hands with Mr Weasley. Then she made her escape. The day had gone even better than planned.

Later that night, Dumbledore heard from his acquaintances that the Weasleys had been seen with that disruption 'Pandora Wild-Black and Harry. Immediately he flooed over to the Burrow to find out everything he could about this annoyance that had so easily destroyed all his carefully laid plans. He arrived to find Molly and Arthur sitting at the table with mugs of tea set in front of them.

"Oh, hello Albus! What brings you here?"

"Hello Molly. I heard you had quite the encounter in Diagon Alley today."

Dumbledore exclaimed brightly, twinkle turned up to full blast.

Molly immediately started gushing.

"Oh yes, the most delightful young woman imaginable! She helped Fred and George as they'd somehow switched bodies. It was so wonderful of her. And then she kindly took the twins for the whole day and even enjoyed their pranks! And then she was so nice to Bill when she brought the twins home. I've never met such a lovely, collected mother."

Dumbledore's twinkle had gradually lessened the more Molly talked as he realised that there was no way he was getting the Weasley's support in his dislike of the Wild-Black siblings.

"I see. I admit, my interest in her stems from her son."

"Oh, which one? They're such delightful little twins even if they aren't quite identical."

The twinkle completely vanished at that as Dumbledore's mind worked furiously.

' _Twins? What does that mean? I knew she had another boy besides Harry but I hadn't realised they were being raised as_ twins. _This complicates things even further. Better withdraw for now.'_

Out loud he said,

"How wonderful. I look forward to seeing them at Hogwarts. Alas, I cannot stay any longer and must return to preparing for the new school year."

And with that, he swept through the floo and back to his office, mind churning with ideas and plans on how to gain control over Harry when he inevitably came to Hogwarts.

 **A/N TA DA! Finally introduced the Weasleys! Sorry it's been a while, school's picking up as exams are in May… Off to Uni to study English next year!**


	8. Hogwarts Letters at Last

**Hello! My sister asked me something about my last chapter and I thought I'd explain my answer to everyone in case anyone else thought this. The question was; Why was Mrs Weasley so trusting? My answer is that at this point the war has been over for three years and Dumbledore hasn't started making noises about Voldemort being back yet. Plus, this woman had just solved a serious magical issue that the twins obviously knew about. Add the fact that Molly was in the order so probably knows Sirius so has heard stuff about Pandora in passing… And of course, she's stressed out of her mind with trying to do Hogwarts shopping while keeping the twins in control. Hope this clears stuff up… I hadn't thought too much about it, but my sister is** ** _very_** **pedantic.**

 **Anyway… the usual, don't own Harry Potter, property of J.K Rowling, I just use them, you know the drill.**

 **Oh, and do people have any preferences to what houses the boys go into? Let me know or I'll go with my sister's truly evil idea…**

The years had passed in a series of chaotic events in the small cottage in the Hebrides. Fred and George Weasley became an almost constant fixture in the house and the whole family knew them better than anyone. In truth, Fred and George weren't nearly as similar as people liked to believe. In fact, they were exactly the same as Harry and Tom when it came to their roles. Fred and Harry were the planners and resident bookworms. They sought out knowledge with a zealous passion and always came up with the best prank ideas and all their escape tactics. They were quieter than their counterparts but both possessed a wicked sense of humour that sent everyone into gales of laughter. In contrast, George and Tom were far more outgoing and were far more likely to be found mucking around in the garden, on their brooms or swimming in the sea. They were the instigators of the team, working to bring their brothers' plans into reality. However, they were all genius' and invented a lot of their prank tools themselves and had all harnessed their magic wandlessly (to a lesser extent with the Weasley twins) before Fred and George left for Hogwarts.

Their most memorable prank to date being the time they'd stuck all the furniture in the house to the ceiling and managed to frame Sirius and Barty (The only other people in the house at the time) for the crime. It turned out later that Sirius and Barty had been knocked out with a trip delay set to wake them the moment Paradox approached the front door. The boys had appeared half an hour later looking innocent and talking about their time on the beach. It took the adults two months to work out what actually happened….

This particular morning had been reasonably peaceful so far, The four boys were still fast asleep in their bedroom-Fred and George had been given permanent beds there ages ago-and the adults were all relaxing downstairs, waiting for the post to arrive. Neville and his parents would be stopping by later on so they could all do their Hogwarts shopping after the letters arrived. Neville was another firm fixture in the twins' life. He took on the more responsible role of older brother… To all four of them. Habitually having to remind them that sleep and meals existed and were needed for successful planning. This didn't stop him from joining in with the pranks or providing alibis. A fact that drove that adults to distraction as it made it all the more difficult to pin down the real culprits. All the adults felt extreme pity for the staff at Hogwarts. While Severus was instead filled with a sense of impending doom. At Paradox and Deaths request, Severus had finally accepted the Potions teaching post at Hogwarts to keep an eye on their charges. After receiving a crash course in teaching from Death of all people he felt prepared to deal with the _classes_. His nephews' penchant for mischief was a whole other ball game. Speaking of nephews, the troublemakers had just woken up. The four pranksters marched down the stairs and reviewed the adults' expressions shrewdly. Obviously deciding that a prank at that precise moment wasn't a smart idea, they made their way across the room and slumped into their chairs. The four boys had long ago claimed the end of the table by the kitchen window as theirs and woe betide _anyone_ who sat there. Even Paradox didn't quite dare. Once seated, the quartet spoke;

"Good morning…"

"To you all…"

"On this…."

"Momentous occasion."

They had all developed the knack to twin speak as a group and it was even more disorientating than just two of them using it. Paradox cursed the day they had perfected this disconcerting technique.

Trying desperately to split up the voices a bit, she asked;

"So what houses have you two decided on?"

The twins all shared a look. Surprisingly, it was Fred who spoke up first,

"Well, I'm in Ravenclaw…"

"And I'm in Hufflepuff."

George chipped in.

"So if we want our plan to be a success…"

"Then your options are Slytherin and Gryffindor."

Paradox was instantly wary. She hadn't heard anything about this plan and hoped it wasn't anything _too_ nefarious already.

Harry spoke up next.

"I'm not sure what will happen with me and Tom exactly as it could go either way with the both of us…"

"But our plan will succeed"

Finished Tom, smirking deviously. Hoping desperately it wasn't as bad as she was starting to think, Paradox enquired,

"What plan?"

Four sets of eyes turned to her, four sets of mouths twisted into four terrifying grins.

"Oh, just to make sure we have an inside man in every house."

The demonic group chorused sweetly. Five adult heads hit the table as five groans were heard followed by Severus' mutter of;

"Sweet Circe save me."

Luckily for all the adults sanity, the group of devils were distracted by the long awaited arrival of the Hogwarts letters. The next few minutes were pure pandemonium as the group of students scrabbled to compare supply lists and plan out their purchases. Tom and Harry were finally being allowed pets, and, as a late birthday present, so were the twins.

With letters dealt with, the children gulped down the last of their breakfast and sprinted up the stairs to dress for the day ahead. In no time at all, the whole family were standing in the sitting room waiting for the floo to flare and spit out the Longbottoms. They didn't have to wait long. Neville was the first to emerge from the flames and was instantly mobbed by his four excitable friends. By the time his parents arrived, he had Tom clutching his neck while pressing up against his back, Harry cuddled up to his chest with a death grip on his waist while the Weasley twins contented themselves with throwing their arms over his shoulders while being careful of his two human limpets. Neville in this timeline was very different than before. He still had a slightly round look to his cheeks, but he was taller, the tallest out of the three eleven year olds and had an air of quiet confidence about him and always had a smile for everyone.

He was the group's rock, their grounding force. And their supplier of potion ingredients of course. Like the other four, Neville was beyond gifted, although his strengths lay with Herbology and creatures. He actually had just as much control over his magic as Harry and Tom did now though. At that moment he was grinning happily at being surrounded so utterly by his impossible brothers. Neville had thought of the group as his brothers ever since his first time telling them off for a particularly badly thought out prank involving a baby mandrake and he was incredibly glad that this explosive group of people had a place for him.

Eventually the adults had to break the adorable scene up so they could set out for Diagon Alley like planned. Paradox and Alice had visited Gringotts together the day before to leave more time for the pet shopping they just knew would take ages. Emerging into the Leaky Cauldron, the group quickly moved off, rushing from store to store to get the basic things they knew they needed. The Apothecary took longer than expected, Severus took one look at the student kit and turned up his nose with a sneer. This of course meant that all the children had to be kitted out with everything Severus expected them to need or just generally thought useful. Add the fact that Fred loved potions so wanted to buy yet _more_ ingredients and it was no surprise that they were a bit harried by the time they escaped into the daylight. Eventually they were left with only three stops left to make; Ollivanders, Madam Malkins and Magical Menagerie. They stopped at the robe shop first. To Paradox's surprise, she noticed that Draco Malfoy was here in this timeline as well. Looked like Aunty Fate was interfering in events again. Sighing, she shook her head before focusing on this first meeting between Draco and her boys.

It didn't start out well. Draco tried his usual arrogant routine. Paradox started listening at the point where Draco loudly drawled;

"My father thinks.."

Harry interrupted immediately at that though, face showing quite a fair bit of impatience.

"Yes, yes, your father says a lot of things apparently. Thing is, we have no interest in what your father thinks or says. We want to know what _you_ think and what _you_ want to say and do. If we don't know that, then how can we ever become friends? Cause at the moment you're sounding more like an arrogant puppet than a person. Which is a shame, as I think you could be a really nice person if you relaxed and shut up about your father."

Draco was openly gaping at the end of Harry's impassioned little speech, the rest of the group nodding along sagely in the background. Finally he managed to find his voice and got out shakily;

"You… You actually want to get to know _me?_ Really truly?"

The Weasley twins converged at that, each throwing an arm around his thin shoulders and gently hugging him between them.

"Of course! We can always do with more co-conspirators for our mischief making. Now that Harry, Tom and Nev are coming to Hogwarts we can finally prank old Dumbledork. We'll need another friend to watch our backs for that mission. Plus, our pack can always do with more members."

This seemed to finally relax Draco even as he let out a startled laugh and stared at the group with something akin to horror. Whatever he thought of their plans for Dumbledore, it didn't stop him huddling further into the twins' comfortable hug. The group of six boys continued to chat as they were all fitted for their robes and it quickly became apparent that Draco loved the casual afftection the whole group bestowed on each other almost continuously. The entire time he was with the group he rarely stirred far from at least one of them and seemed desperate to receive as many hugs as possible before the group left. Eventually though, the group had to move on, leaving Draco waiting for his father to appear. Before leaving though, the five boys pulled Draco into the middle of a giant group hug that left him feeling very slightly squashed.

They decided to leave the search for suitable familiars until last, so moved swiftly on to the dingy wand shop. Things became interesting as soon as they stepped into Ollivanders domain. Upon seeing them, the ancient old man gave a sound almost like a whoop and scuttled out from behind his counter towards them.

"My, oh my! So much powerful magic! Just one of you could overload every wand I have made so far. No, no, that would never do. We shall have to start from scratch with you all. I'm assuming you all can already wield your magic?"

At the boys' tentative nods, Ollivander emitted another undignified whoop and dragged the whole group towards his workroom in the back of the store.

Upon entering he ushered Neville forward first.

"Of course, I should have realised I'd be getting more of this kind of thing after the Weasley twins two years ago. If I remember they were particularly interesting. George's was Maple-a particularly rebellious and challenging wood- combined with Yew. A very unusual combination. While his brothers was Walnut-a strong wood-bound with Holly. Again, something I would have never dared before. Both with a twin core of unicorn hair. Very tricky wands to create successfully. I am interested to see what yours are shown to be. Now, pass your hand over the woods and pick up the ones that call to you."

Neville drew in a deep breath before holding a hand out over the woods before him. It took a while, but finally he had two woods in his hand. Ollivander snatched them away quickly and examined them quickly.

"Ah, yes. This is a more natural combination. Birch and Cherry wood, woods of the heart. They will serve you faithfully. Now, the cores."

Neville then had to repeat the whole process all over again with the many cores until he was clutching a single unicorn hair. This was then placed in the box with his two woods and set to the side. Next it was Harry and Tom's turn. As twins, they had to go together as they may have similar woods. It was indeed the case with them. Ollivander seemed ready to pass out with excitement at the sight of the woods he'd be working with.

"My trickiest combination to date. Yew and Holly. The same yet complete opposites. Oh my…"

This last comment was directed at the fact that Tom and Harry were both holding _two_ cores.

"Lets see. Both with phoenix feather cores, but Mr. Potter's will be paired with the hair of a Selkie. While you, Mr. Wild, have chosen my most unusual core. The tail-hair of a mature Kelpie. Both extremely rare cores indeed gentlemen. It will be a pleasure to make them.

After these revelations the party was ushered from the store with instructions to return the next day. The adults were in a state of understandable shock. The children in front of them were clearly a force to be reckoned with. They'd already known this, but Ollivander's observations had solidified the fact forever in their minds. The children couldn't care less about the happenings inside the store. They all knew of their power levels and the fact that Harry and Tom were marginally more powerful than the rest of them. They were far more interested in the approaching pet store where they'd find their familiars (hopefully).

Upon entering the store the five boys nodded to each other before releasing their magic and simply following where it led. Fred found himself drawn to the cats and other four-legged creatures. George meanwhile was pulled towards the cages of birds. Harry and Tom both followed their magic to the reptiles while Neville went in the same direction as Fred.

Harry and Tom really weren't surprised to find themselves in front of the snakes. After all, they were both parcelmouths. It made sense for their familiars to be an animal they could actually converse with. Harry quickly found the one calling him. A beautiful female magical tiger snake. Her scales seemed to glow, her body decorated in bands of black and gold and her eyes were as deep a black as her scales. She was perfect. As she was still young she was still small enough to easily wrap around his shoulders when he removed her from her tank, turning to find Tom and make his way to the till. He snorted at the sight of Tom's familiar. It was a young Black Mamba. A male with midnight black scales and vicious looking fangs. It was a good thing Uncle Severus was signing off on these as a teacher or they wouldn't be allowed anywhere _near_ the school.

Confident in their success, they proceeded to search for the others. They found Fred and Neville each cradling a small ball of fur to their chests. They couldn't see exactly _what_ they were, but they were both clearly bigger than your average, non-threatening pet.

"Holy mother of Circe."

Harry whispered when he finally got a good look at the russet furred bundle snuggled into Fred's arms.

"That's a Red Wolf cub. They're incredibly rare."

The cub gave a small huff and seemed to bury it's way deeper into Fred's embrace. Fred just looked smug.

Turning to Neville, Harry got the second shock of the day.

"Um… Neville? Isn't that a lynx?'

Neville grinned at the two boys obvious shock.

"Yeah, although I've never seen this dark a colour before. It's almost gold, don't you think."

Harry and Tom started to look distinctly amused.

"Don't you think…."

"It's funny that…"

"We all have very dangerous animals as familiars?"

They finished together just as George came into sight with a Gyrfalcon riding proudly on his shoulder. They all just stared at each other in clear amusement for quite some time before bursting out laughing.

"Won't we make a scene?"

Fred spluttered, a purely evil look taking over his face.

This just made the group laugh harder, being careful not to annoy their familiars. After all, they still had to do the familiar ritual. Then they'd be able to have a rudimentary type of conversation with these magnificent creatures.

Soon after, they were heading towards the Leaky Cauldron, their familiars held close. This had been a day to remember. Next stop, Hogwarts.

 **A/N Mwahahahaha! I'm having so much fun with this!**

 **I would like to say a huge thank you to all the people who have been following or favouriting (yes, I know that isn't a word. Shhh…) this story as it means a lot to know that people are actually enjoying my babblings. On the same note, Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who's sent me such lovely reviews. I'm loving every minute of writing this story and I still have so many ideas that I can write in the future.**


	9. The Sorting

**Hi! Here's some more for you!**

 **To answer mizzrazz72's question about Draco's familiar, it's revealed this chapter. My argument over familiars is that it's a pureblood magical custom that the Weasleys are unable to afford and only the occasional Muggleborn manages to follow by accident (Hermione and Crookshanks for example).**

 **This is the long awaited sorting and I'm afraid to say that I plan to have a twin in each house with Neville and Draco being the additional members of the group.**

 **Obviously I don't own Harry Potter, I am writing this for fun, not profit. I'm glad you're all enjoying it so much though.**

Sooner than the adults thought natural, the first of September came upon them and it was time to send off their group of troublemakers to Hogwarts. Paradox had yet to work out a way to get herself a place in the castle so was frantically giving directions to those who would. This meant Severus **.**

 **"** Now, remember to watch Dumbledore and Quirrell as closely as possible. This is Dumbledore's first chance at getting Harry back under his control and we don't know what he'll do once he realises that Harry's been warned against him. Also, I don't know exactly how my actions will have affected the timeline. This time around, Voldemort is unknowingly working with only the soul pieces in the diary, Harry and himself. We've managed to collect the others over the years but we've still got a way to go with this."

Severus was slowly losing patience with the goddess.

"Paradox, I know all this! I worked to retrieve the ring and diadem with you! Trust me with this!"

This finally seemed to break Paradox out of the panic she'd found herself in and back to rationality.

"You're right of course Severus. Of course I trust you. I apologise for my idiotic speeches."

And, Paradox being Paradox, she couldn't help but hug Severus before running out the room, laughing at his stunned expression.

"Good luck at Hogwarts, Sevvie!"

This shocked Severus out of his stupor and a spectacular chase ensued through the house and garden. Jinxes flying everywhere they went. Needless to say the rest of the houses occupants hastily sought cover. These battles were a regular occurrence after all and they had all painfully learnt to avoid them at all costs. Paradox's favourite past time had become playfully aggravating the families most antisocial member. The true miracle was that she got away with it with nothing worse than a stinging hex as retaliation. Sirius was convinced that Severus was going soft on them all. He even helped the kids create prank potions, his most common students being Harry and Fred. The group of five children had successfully created all of their own prank items for every occasion and were constantly inventing more at an incredible rate. Severus was convinced that Harry and Fred at least could beat his record of youngest Potions Master if they wished to. The question on everyone's minds now was where the new first years of the family would be sorted. The children seemed to know, but weren't offering any insight.

Finally, the family of four made it to platform 9¾ without too much incident. Severus having already gone on to Hogwarts. Once there, the Weasley twins, Neville, and, surprisingly, Draco, quickly joined them. The five old friends grinned at the newest addition to their friend group in clear delight.

"Draco! How-"

"-Truly wonderful to-"

"-See you on this-"

"-Splendiferous morning."

The two sets of twins pronounced with glee. Draco's head spent a good two minutes swivelling between them all before turning hopelessly to Neville who smiled reassuringly before pulling him into a hug.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it eventually. I did."

Draco blushed slightly while smiling his thanks up at the taller boy, only to straighten suddenly and pull on a blank mask as an older version of himself approached. Lucius Malfoy cut an intimidating figure, that was for certain. His black robes drawing attention to his pale complexion and silvery blonde hair. Paradox personally thought that he resembled what a male Veela would look like if there were any. She also thought that he looked like fun to mess with. Just then, Lucius managed to reach the group and surveyed them all with an air of icy indifference.

"Draco, why don't you introduce me to your _friends._ "

The last word being said with a slight sneer. Draco seemed, if possible, to tense up even further and the rest of the boys huddled closer to offer their silent support.

"Father, these are Fred and George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Tom Black and Harry Potter-Black and Harry and Tom's adoptive mother and uncle, Pandora and Mort Wild-Black."

A brief flicker of interest flashed in Lucius's silver orbs at that.

"Indeed, what interesting friends you've made. The first Weasleys to be sorted into a house other than Gryffindor, the Longbottom heir and the boy-who-lived and his twin."

With that he dismissed the children altogether and turned to study the adult twins. His eyes lingered for a minute on Deaths rather obvious tattoo before sweeping to rest on Paradox.

"Lucius Malfoy at your service. I have heard much about you from my wife. The long lost children of the Black family, come all the way from Australia. She's desperate to meet you."

Paradox smirked, running through her list of perfect responses for dealing with stuck up Death Eater Lords.

"Indeed. You find me at a disadvantage as Sirius has never mentioned you or your wife. Now, you'll have to excuse me, the train will be leaving soon."

And she swept away with all six children hurrying after her leaving a stunned Lord Malfoy in her wake. Draco was staring at Paradox is ill concealed awe. This woman had just out-insulted his father using pure Slytherin tecniques to do so. In that moment, Draco gained a new rolemodel. He wanted to be like the Wild-Black twins. They were the most amazing adults he'd ever met in his life. Soon enough he was being bundled on to the Hogwarts Express after receiving a quick hug from Pandora as she'd asked him to call her and they were off to Hogwarts. They all hastily found a compartment and settled down to discuss and plan out the year ahead. The first item of business being the introduction of familiars. Harry went first. His Tiger Snake was securely wrapped around his shoulders, easily visible to the others in the compartment.

"Everyone, this is my beautiful familiar Andraste."

Harry said proudly. Draco, as the only one meeting her for the first time, tentatively reached out and stroked her head. Slowly, a smile made it's way on to his face. Harry grinned back at him then turned to his twin.

"You're next Tom."

Tom smirked back at Harry before pulling his t-shirt out slightly and hissing down at his stomach. Slowly, his Black Mamba slithered into view and curled up in his arms.

"This is my familiar, Ducarius."

The process was repeated again with Draco and Tom's familiar. Then it was Fred's turn. Fred pulled open the shoulder bag he had placed gently on his lap and lifted out his slightly sleepy Red Wolf cub.

"Everyone, it is my honour to present Agro the wolf."

The cub merely yawned and curled up contentedly on Fred's lap. At this point Draco was looking slightly concerned over what the others would reveal.

"Georgie, your turn."

George's grin was feral as he pulled the cover off the cage sitting at his elbow.

"Introducing the wonderful Aella to my fellow mischief makers."

The Gyrfalcon's piercing glare passed over all members of the compartment before she quietly turned away to gaze out the compartment window.

"Alright Nev, what've you named that kitty cat of yours?"

Neville quietly unwrapped his cloak so the others could see the small bundle of fur cradled in one arm.

"I'd like you all to meet my lynx, Alala. She's still very young though so she sleeps a lot."

Draco was in a state of deep shock. He'd thought he'd have problems as one of the only people with a dangerous familiar. That was obviously now a moot point. All these animals would grow up to be deadly.

"Draco? Show us your familiar now. They'll all be working with us so we need to meet them."

"Oh, right."

Blushing, Draco reached into his own shoulder bag with both arms, drawing out his own familiar. The rest of the compartment was snorts of amusement when they realised it was another dangerous creature. Not only that, but a Panther cub. Draco Malfoy having a black panther was strangely fitting for them. It finished up the group nicely.

"Ok, this is my familiar. He's called Bahadur."

Now that the big reveal was out of the way, the group sat around chatting. George let Aella out of her cage so she could perch on his shoulder. They made a strange group, each with their familiar resting on their shoulders or curled contentedly in their laps. Suddenly though the peace was shattered by the compartment door being pulled open. A girl with wild chocolate coloured hair and matching eyes stood framed in the doorway.

"Is there any room in here? A very rude idiot just became unbearable and I had to escape."

The group easily made room for her and it was only once she was seated that she spotted their unusual companions and let out a squeak.

"I… I thought we were only allowed to choose from a cat, a toad or an owl. Those aren't any of those."

She whispered, eyes wide with apprehension and curiosity. It was Harry who answered her.

"Normally that's true. However, these aren't just pets. They're our magically bonded familiars and so are able to accompany us if we have the backing of a teacher. From your questions I'm guessing you're a muggleborn."

The girls' eyes sparkled at the new information and she was leaning forwards slightly.

"Yes, that's right. I'm Hermione Granger and I'm desperate to learn everything I should. I feel so nervous and scared that I'll make a huge social blunder or something."

Harry snorted.

"Well at least you're honest and trying to learn. We'll help you with that. I'm Harry Potter-Black and please ignore any books that mention me, they're wrong. This here is my twin brother, Tom. Those two over there are the Weasley twins, Fred and George. They're two years above us. Next to them is Neville Longbottom and next to Tom is Draco Malfoy. Welcome to our mad group, I hope you don't mind pranks as we are famous for them."

Hermione smiled anxiously around at the group, still clearly nervous but more relaxed than moments before.

"Hello everyone."

The Weasley twins converged suddenly, taking a side each and swinging their arms over her small shoulders.

"What do you think Forge?"

"She's a Ravenclaw for sure Gred. Just like-"

"Me brother dearest. She thirsts for knowledge like you wouldn't believe."

Hermione was furiously blushing by this point but the smile was yet to leave her face.

"I've been told you get used to them. The whole group seem to live off of physical affection, just warning you. They ambushed me in a group hug the first day we met."

Drawled Draco from his corner by the window. This prompted Neville into pulling Draco against his side, wrapping an arm tightly round his shoulders while he used his other hand to mess up Draco's hair a bit before relaxing his grip marginally.

"There, your hair no longer resembles a mirror or crystal ball. Much better."

Neville declared, his smile taking all the sting from his words.

The group chatted happily for the rest of the trip. Only pausing long enough to pull on their school robes. Upon arriving at the station, the group of seven new students stepped down onto the platform and made their way towards the towering figure of Hagrid. The Potter-Black-Riddle twins had decidedly mixed feelings towards the cheerful half-giant.

 _'Tom. He's the one mum said would have taken me away. I know it's stupid to dislike someone for something they would have done but never did but I can't help it.'_

 _'It's alright Harry, I get it. I can't help feeling guilty every time I see him. After all, I'm the reason he can't use a wand.'_

 _'It wasn't you, it's that mad version of you who's still wandering a rounds' fault. Mum explained that several times already.'_

Both twins being momentarily reassured they continued to follow Hagrid to the boats. The boats proved a problem, without the twins there was only five of them so someone would have to sit with others. Surprisingly it was Draco who offered, saying he would sit with some of the people his father had shoved at him as friends. The group was far from happy at this situation but reluctantly parted with one of their most insecure members. The boat trip was breath taking. Even for the wizarding children who had seen Hogwarts from Hogsmeade. Soon enough though they had reached the far side with nothing more noteworthy than the Giant Squid becoming interested in the twins' boat which led to the twins gaining yet another friend. Even if he was a squid. The long trek up the stairs to the doors of Hogwarts was exhausting, especially for the twins, Neville and Draco as they were also still carrying their familiars, even if they were hidden from view. Eventually though, the long climb was over and they were passed over into the care of Professor McGonagall. This sparked another silent conference.

 _'To think I would have gone to school with her.'_

 _'Tom! You're such an old fart!'_

 _'You take that back or I'll start another prank war.'_

 _'….'_

 _'Oh brother dearest you're looking particularly youthful this fine September evening.'_

 _'Better.'_

The two shut up after that as they were getting weird looks from Hermione and Draco while Neville was just giving his infuriating 'knowing look'.

 _'Shall we explain?'_

 _'Of course. Can't have them realising we're mad quite yet.'_

"Hermione, Draco, we should warn you that me and my twin-"

"That is to say, my twin and I-"

"Have a telepathic twin bond.-"

"Fred and George have one too and-"

"We have learned-"

"How to connect the two on occasion."

"We are telling you this-"

"So you don't get confused-"

"Or think we're mad-"

"Either one really."

Draco and Hermione were left to blink dazedly at the pair until they finally sorted out what had been said. Draco groaned while grumbling,

"That explains so much. However, how did you two form the bond when you're only blood adopted twins?"

The twins shared a look and grinned.

"Accidental magic."

At this, Draco looked ready to hit his head off of something but settled for a good natured huff of,

"Only you two."

Hermione, who'd been silent up until that point, busy absorbing the newest information finally spoke up.

"How about the link to the twins? How did that happen? There's never been a case of that happening in the past."

The twins' smirk looked positively evil at this and even Neville's grin looked mildly concerning.

"Ah yes-"

"That was a case of some-"

"Rather interesting magic on our part-"

"It was far from accidental too."

The two newest members of the group were left gaping yet again. Neville laughing silently in the background. Draco was again the first to recover.

"You managed to do deliberate, wandless magic to that extent?"

Neville's laughs finally became vocal.

"That's not the worst they've done. The link was with all four of them working on it. Those two have been flying since the age of one, terrifying all adults in the process. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to be looking for them only to find them hovering up by the ceiling planning something. They stuck all the furniture in the house to the ceiling once and weren't caught for ages. There's a long running joke in the family that the only thing those two haven't done yet is bring about the apocalypse."

By this point the two children were looking a confusing mix of amazement, worry and amusement at all the ridiculous things the pair undoubtedly got up to. Neville smiled at the two.

"As you're now part of the group, you'll be taught how we work and use magic and be a part of our planning and operations. We'll be needing all hands on deck if we want to succeed at pranking the Headmaster himself."

Hermione's innate respect for authority figures finally raised it's head.

"But… He's the Headmaster. Shouldn't we show him respect?"

The twins took that one.

"Hermione. There is a lot-"

"That lemon drop sucking old coot-"

"Has tried to do to us personally-"

"That causes us to have-"

"No respect whatsoever-"

"Towards him-"

"And we'll-"

"Explain it all-"

"Later."

At this moment McGonagall re-entered the antechamber and bade them to follow her into the Great Hall for their Sorting. The first years shuffled nervously up the centre of the hall, chancing awed glances around them. The Mini Marauders as Sirius called the twins' group of friends were more composed, taking in everything they saw and waving to Fred and George when they spotted them at their respective tables. When they reached the front, McGonagall placed the Hat on the stool at the front of the hall. Moments later the Hats mouth opened wide as is began to sing.

 _Oh you may not think I'm pretty,_

 _But don't judge on what you see,_

 _I'll eat myself if you can find_

 _A smarter hat than me._

 _You can keep your bowlers black, Your top hats sleek and tall, For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_

 _And I can cap them all._

 _There's nothing hidden in your head_

 _The Sorting Hat can't see,_

 _So try me on and I will tell you_

 _Where you ought to be._

 _You might belong in Gryffindor,_

 _Where dwell the brave at heart,_

 _Their daring, nerve, and chivalry_

 _Set Gryffindors apart;_

 _You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal,_

 _Those patient Hufflepuffs are true_

 _And unafraid of toil;_

 _Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you've a ready mind,_

 _Where those of wit and learning,_

 _Will always find their kind;_

 _Or perhaps in Slytherin You'll make your real friends,_

 _Those cunning folks use any means_

 _To achieve their ends._

 _So put me on! Don't be afraid!_

 _And don't get in a flap!_

 _You're in safe hands (though I have none)_

 _For I'm a Thinking Cap!_

Once the song was over, McGonagall unrolled the parchment she was holding and started to call out the students to be sorted. After the first student, Hannah Abbot was sorted, it was Tom's turn.

"Black, Thomas."

Tom slowly made his way up to the hat, glancing over his shoulder once to receive an encouraging smile from his brother. Then he was on the stool with the hat being dropped over his eyes.

 ** _"Well, well. It's a pleasure to finally meet the original Tom Riddle. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Now, where to put you? Your little plan to take a house each is an interesting one. We'll have to see if it works.'_**

 ** _'Just put me where I'll fit best. I don't mind beyond that.'_**

 ** _'That's very good of you Mr Riddle. If only everyone was as accommodating as you. Alright, better be…"_**

 **"Gryffindor!"**

Gryffindor table erupted into cheers for their newest member as he made his way over to the table to sit at the end. Harry's voice sounded in his mind soon after.

 _'Well that should annoy crazy other you if he ever finds out who you are.'_

 _'True. His face would be priceless. Annoying a homicidal maniac isn't the best idea though.'_

 _'Oh. Good point.'_

 _'Pay attention to the sorting.'_

They came back to themselves just in time to hear Hermione's name called. Hermione practically ran to the hat as her nerves took over.

 ** _'Hello, Mr Hat. How were you made? Is it true the founders made you? How do you decide where people go? How-'_**

 **"Ravenclaw!"**

 ** _'Well that's rude.'_**

 ** _'Tough.'_**

The whole group exchanged amused smirks across the hall. They could guess what had happened. They lost interest again until it was finally Neville's turn. He stood tall and proud as he walked up to take his place to be sorted. His face half-obscured by the hat.

 ** _'Ah, Mr Longbottom. You are a difficult one. You are equally split. Your loyalty to your friends only rivalled by your fierce need to protect them. You have a soul as caring as Lady Hufflepuff but your heart is that of a true…'_**

 **"Gryffindor!"**

Tom cheered happily, glad that he would have Neville with him. Neville protected them all and it was reassuring to know that he would be so close. Neville was beside him in an instant and Tom swiftly drew him into a tight hug. They all had thought that Neville would be a Gryffindor, it was good to know they'd been right. Soon after that it was Draco's turn. They could all see him projecting his confident mask for all he was worth as he made his way up to the hat. Soon his face disappeared and they waited to hear the verdict.

 ** _'Hmm… Interesting. Would have been an easy sort to Slytherin, but now you know what having friends is like and you're showing enough loyalty to make the best Hufflepuff jealous.'_**

 ** _'Oh, please. I have to go to Slytherin. Mother and father would never forgive me if I went anywhere else.'_**

 ** _'Yes, I can see that. Quite that Harpy, your mother. The Black madness didn't leave her out it seems. Well, you have the ambition and cunning for Slytherin even if it's now focused on helping your friends do anything they set their mind to. I'll stretch that to mean you belong to…"_**

 **"Slytherin!"**

As soon as the hat was off Draco's head, his eyes sought out Tom and Neville, who instantly smiled to wordlessly say

'It's alright, we're still friends.'

If Draco wasn't a Malfoy, they were sure he would have sagged in relief as he sank into a seat at his new house table. Before they knew it, the final member of their group was being called;

"Potter-Black, Harry."

As harry made his way up to the Sorting hat, whispers swept the hall, everyone craning to see their wondrous 'boy-who-lived'. The whole group all knew Harry hated it. They all fully agreed. It was just plain annoying.

Finally, he was seated with that hat over his eyes.

 ** _'My, my. You're going to be just as easy as your brother. You really have all the house traits, but your mind simply screams…_**

 **"Slytherin!"**

And the whole hall fell silent apart from the whoops coming from his group of friends.

DUCARIUS, divine noble (or leader)

ANDRASTE, irresistible, unconquerable

 **AGRO** : From a Celtic word meaning "battle; slaughter."

 **AELLA** (Αελλα): Greek and Latin variant form of Greek Aellô, meaning "storm wind or whirlwind."

 **ALALA** (Ἀλαλά): Greek name meaning "war-like." In mythology, this is the name of the sister of Ares and personification of the war cry.

 **BAHADUR** (Persian: بهادر): Hindi and Persian form of Mongolian Baghatur, meaning "hero" or "warrior.


	10. First Night and Plans made

**Mwahahahaha! I'm sorry for the** **cliffy at the end of the last chapter, I couldn't help myself! It just had to be done!** **Yet again, I am making this up as I write so this'll be interesting.**

 **Usual disclaimer, not getting any money, don't own Harry Potter, not a millionaire, just a high school student with too much imagination and more than a touch of insanity.**

As soon as the hat shouted out Slytherin, Harry had passed the hat over to a shell-shocked McGonagall and calmly made his way over to take a seat beside Draco at the Slytherin table. As soon as he was seated he smiled at Fred, George and Tom while sending out a mental cheer of

 _'_ _Mission successful! We now have at least one member in every house. Let the pranks begin.'_

The answering smirks were positively deadly.

Next, all four of them turned to smirk up at Severus at the head table. Severus promptly lost what little colour he had.

Up at the head table, Severus quickly turned to his fellow heads of house. "Pomona, Filius, Minerva, I feel it is my duty to warn you of the very real danger now present in this castle."

The other teachers watched his ghostly white face with rapidly growing alarm.

"Severus, whatever is the matter?"

Minerva exclaimed worriedly. Severus swallowed thickly before continuing.

"You are of course aware of the antics of the Weasley twins?"

His fellow teachers tentatively nodded in assent. A growing suspicion forming in their minds.

"Well I'm afraid to inform you that the other half of their team is now present in the form of the Potter-Black twins. Those two have been playing pranks from the moment they met."

All the teachers in hearing distance paled dramatically at that. Minerva, the groups spokesperson, wet her lips nervously before enquiring,

"What do you mean by that? Surely they can't be that bad."

Severus' bark of laughter was far from reassuring.

"They're worse. The first time I met them, they'd just cast a wandless sleeping charm on Sirius and the first words spoken about them were; 'What is it now? Hovering? Flying? Animate inanimate objects? Coloured rain? Rainbows? Knives? Flooding? The apocalypse?' Rolanda, I feel it my duty to inform you that they've been flying without a broom for as long as I've known them. Not to mention the memorable time they collaborated with the Weasley twins to stick all the furniture to the ceiling and avoid suspicion entirely for weeks. They may all be genius' but they are also the devil incarnate."

The staff table was struck speechless for several minutes before Pomona Sprout finally summed up their feelings with a breathy

"Sweet Circe, how will we survive? How will the _school_ survive?"

Unaware of the fear they were evoking, the group of troublemakers were busy socialising with their housemates. Or each other whenever possible. Harry was having a rather enjoyable conversation with Draco and Teddy Nott when he was suddenly tugged backwards to lean on Fred's shoulder.

"Meet you in the Room of Requirement tonight after curfew. We need to plan our attack carefully if we are to succeed."

Harry nodded gently.

"I'll let Tom know. Are we including Draco and Neville in these plans?"

"Of course. The more hands the smoother this will run."

Harry made a soft sound of agreement at the back of his throat before briefly resting his head against Fred's head and neck before pulling himself back towards the table.

"Sorry about that gentlemen. Ea back there is far too impatient for his own good."

The two boys looked at him in confusion. As a muffled "Oi!" sounded from behind Harry Teddy finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry, but why did you call Weasley that?"

Harry grinned before launching into his explanation.

"Me and Tom grew up in the Hebrides surrounded by Scottish culture and language. When we were young, mum taught us to speak Gaelic and this caused us to give our friends pet names. Fred is Ea, which means fire. George is Kincaid, or warrior. Tom is Raonull or Mighty power and I'm Dour meaning From the water. Neville has one too. He's Artek, our rock. It's strange, for names chosen by small children, they fit scarily well. Fred is fiery and intelligent. George is protective and fierce. Tom is the most magically powerful of us all. I'm smooth and relentless and Neville is the quiet strength that keeps our wild personalities in check."

"Damn right."

Came Fred's muffled voice from directly behind Harry at the Ravenclaw table.

Harry's grin turned mischievous in seconds.

"Of course, they also work as prankster or Marauder names. We use them during prank operations, or at least, versions of them. Fred's always Ea, Kincaid turns to Caid, Raonull to Rao while mine and Nevilles stay the same."

The two Slytherins smirked back and returned to their food. The next time Harry had the chance he leaned in close to Draco to whisper,

"We're meeting the others after curfew, be ready to sneak out."

Draco's eyes widened comically even as he nodded his eager assent. Harry grinned before mentally calling out.

 _'I presume that familiars are to be present.'_

 _'Of course.'_

Chorused back to him. Lips twitching slightly he informed Draco,

"Bring Bahadur with you."

The other boy was only too happy to agree.

Much later, after getting settled in his new home and the house meeting, Harry sat on his bed, waiting for curfew to pass. There had been some minor issues, the older students seemed happy to ignore him and he only received hostility from Pansy Parkinson, Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe. All the other first years were either friendly or politely distant. Harry suspected Severus' influence among the upper years, after all, he knew how much respect his pseudo uncle could invoke.

Finally, curfew was called and all students were in their rooms. Soon enough, Draco was standing beside his bed, Bahadur bumbling around his feet cutely. Harry instantly rose, Andraste already curled gently around his neck.

"Alright, I'll cast as powerful a repelling spell as I can and we'll go meet George outside our common room. I don't know the school yet so he'll have to lead the way."

Harry stood focused for a few seconds until he felt his magic wrapping securely around their forms. Bahadur proved a minor set back as he'd never done this with a separate animal other than a person. Soon enough they were moving off towards the common room entrance and then to the corridor beyond. As soon as they were beyond the entryway Harry sent out his magic until it brushed George's and he grinned, gently tickling the older boys magic until a voice called out.

"Oi! Harry! Knock it off and add me to your ward/spell thingy."

Smirking, Harry swiftly obeyed. As soon as George was safely able to see them, he set upon Harry, arm wrapped around his head, his other hand messing up his hair. Laughing, Harry struggled until he finally escaped to hide behind Draco who watched the whole scene with obvious bemusement. George huffed before throwing an arm around Draco's shoulders and guided him off down the corridor, nose firmly in the air. Still laughing, Harry jogged after them before slinging his arm around Draco's waist while keeping an eye on Draco's Panther.

Soon enough, they were standing in front of a blank stretch of wall. They didn't have to wait long for the other three to join them. Once everyone was there, Fred stalked backwards and forwards in front of the wall three times as a door formed. It was a plain, unassuming door that instantly caused attention to slide away from it. In other words, it was perfect. Glancing around, Fred pulled it open and ushered them all inside.

The room they found themselves in was cosy with a hint of professionalism. A fire crackled in the hearth while a table took up the centre of the room, a whiteboard stood in front of the table while the walls were lined with bookshelves. One wall held a detailed map of Hogwarts that seemed to work exactly like the Marauders Map the twins now held in their possession. Thick carpets covered the stone floor and the room simply screamed comfort and secrecy. Grinning deviously at each other, the group of six sank into chairs around the table, Fred and Harry automatically sitting directly in front of the whiteboard and also the head of the table. Familiars were placed gently in front of the fire as the group settled in for a serious discussion.

Harry spoke first.

"As our newest member I feel like Draco requires a name. All in agreement?"

Five hands solemnly rose into the air as Draco blushed and hunched slightly in his seat.

"Alright then, as chairman of these talks I would like to suggest Gaothaire, meaning free wind. Referring both to his current, birdlike elegance in appearance and our future hope of rescuing him from his parents dominating control."

Draco sat up proudly at this, a contented smile lighting up his features while the others nodded their approval.

"Aire for short."

Declared Neville, grinning across at the smaller boy. Noises of assent were made and the meeting progressed. Fred spoke up next.

"You all know why we're here. A prank attack that has long been anticipated. Now we need to plan."

The mood grew impossibly more focused as Harry rose and picked up a pen, turning to the whiteboard.

"Our target is Dumbledore. He has never been touched in pranking history. We need to change that. Now, ideas."

George spoke up first.

"I say we target those Lemon Drops he's continually snacking on."

The suggestion was eagerly recorded as Fred grinned at his twin.

"Excellent idea Kincaid, any potion we spike them with will be constantly renewed without Dumbledore knowing."

The whole table was now filled with laughter. Draco was the first to speak next.

"You know how much he loves Gryffindor, Why don't we douse them in a potion that not only makes him bald, therefore ridding him of his most defining feature, but also make his features snakelike, possibly green and silver scales."

Tom whooped.

"Gaothaire, that is pure genius! Now, I know there isn't a potion that would suit our needs, so Ea, Dour, you'll have to start experimenting. Think you can do it?"

Fred and Harry exchanged a look, silently communicating in some way before facing the rest of the room.

"Give us-"

"-a week and-"

"-we'll have-"

"-the potion."

The whole group exchanged more smirks, this time of a decidedly vicious quality. Neville spoke next.

"I think that the two twins need to do a school wide prank to announce their presence. No singling people out, nothing malicious, just like our rules state."

The group of four's smirks grew even wider before George purred out.

"Oh don't worry, this one we've had set up for _months._ "

Their resultant laughter was far from reassuring for the other two children.

 **I know this is short, but I'll write again soon enough. Hope you enjoyed it and thank you to you all for reading this and letting me know what you think. It means a lot to know that people enjoy my work so much.**


	11. Pranking History

**Hey! I am finally back! A nice, long chapter by my standards to make up for the wait.**

 **I don't own Harry Potter. I hope you know this by now.**

The first week at Hogwarts passed with remarkable normality. The mini Marauders had played a few minor pranks (Such as teaching Peeves annoying muggle songs, charming tiny replicas of the four house mascots to prowl the school and somehow managing to change all the common room passwords to 'Dumbolddork'). Dumbledore _really_ hadn't been impressed by the last one. The four new first years had, of course, been breezing through all their classes, especially the Potter-Blacks. However, the time had finally come for them to reconvene to discuss 'the take down' as they'd been calling it. It was time to prank Dumbledore and become prankster legend.

The whole group had been in fits of laughter over the half-suspicious, half-terrified looks they'd been receiving from the Hogwarts staff. The longer they went without pulling a major prank, the jumpier the professors became. They'd been counting on Sev passing on their reputation, not only to sew the seeds of fear, but also to give the group more of a challenge. After all, they didn't want to make things _too_ easy. So, On Friday night, Harry and Draco prepared to once again sneak out after curfew only for a voice to stop them in their tracks.

"Whatever you're doing, I want in."

The two boys whirled around to find Teddy Nott standing by his bed with a determined look on his face. Realising who it was, both of them relaxed. Out of all their year-mates, Teddy was the one they liked the best so far. They had actually been planning to bring up his possible involvement that very night. Harry broke the tense silence at last.

"Alright Teddy, you can come, as long as you understand that this is a pranksters board meeting to discuss a major prank. If you come, you'll have to help."

Harry's voice was the most serious Teddy had ever heard him; he drew in a shaky breath while he considered the best way to respond. Finally, he was ready.

"You are my friends, I know that you live and breathe pranks so I always knew I'd be dragged in eventually and to be honest I like that idea. You guys never go too far unless the person's a bully. I can already tell that much at least. I just want to be trusted fully by my friends, which seems to involve my willingness to help with mischief even if it's just by providing an alibi."

Once he'd finished his speech he was pounced on and introduced to the full concept of the groups' love of physical contact. He actually thought it was wonderful. Most pureblood children were brought up to be cold and heartless which left no room for affection. This was one of the things that had cemented Draco's loyalty to the group so quickly. These people easily provided the affection and comfort he'd never known but craved for years. With the hugging safely out of the way, the group finally set off for their meeting in the Room of Requirement. Due to their delay, they were the last to arrive. Upon entering, Harry immediately announced to the room,

"Teddy's kindly agreed to join our noble order of mischief. First order of business will be to choose his prankster name."

Noises of appreciation and acceptance were heard on all sides so the three boys sat down as Fred started the introductions.

"Ea at your service," He proclaimed with an elaborate bow, grinning madly the whole time. Teddy nodded politely while focusing on George,

"They call me Kincaid. Caid for short," He muttered, waving vaguely while yawning widely. Next came Neville and Draco, who seemed to have been practicing twin speak,

"This tall gentleman would be the indomitable Artek."

"While this tiny delicate thing is Gaothaire."

Teddy couldn't contain his laughter at that and he wasn't the only one. The whole table dissolved into giggles for several minutes before finishing with Harry,

"Tom's Raonull and I'm Dour. Do you have ideas for a name or should we choose?"

Teddy blushed under the suddenly focused attention and managed to get out a quiet, "Could you guys choose?"

Harry simply nodded before spinning in his chair to face Draco.

"Gaothaire, you're up! You've known him the longest."

Draco jumped at this before settling down with a thoughtful look on his face. Finally, he broke the silence by pronouncing triumphantly,

"Leal. It means loyal in ancient Saxon English. I think Teddy's like me and would have gone to Hufflepuff if it wasn't a practical death sentence to go anywhere other than Slytherin."

This sobered the mood even further. Everyone's faces taking on a decidedly grim look. It was Fred that spoke what the original group of five was thinking.

"Looks like we have another pureblood to free from their destructive family influence."

The other four nodded their agreement while the other two were left gaping. Draco hesitantly spoke up to say,

"I don't think my dad's that bad really. He definitely regrets the Dark Mark. It's Narcissa; she didn't escape the famous Black madness and runs the house as her own private tyrannical kingdom. I think she might even be cursing dad into obeying her wishes."

If possible, the atmosphere became even heavier. The other boys' expressions becoming murderous in their intensity.

"Mum'll be able to do something."

Tom stated with such confidence that everyone was instantly appeased. The mood finally lightened and moved on to happier, safer topics for a while until George clapped his hands together and announced,

"Okay! Who wants to put forward a name for joining our hallowed Order of Mischief? I would like to start off the proceedings by offering Fred and I's old friend Lee Jordan. He has helped our endeavours in the past and can be relied upon. He's in Gryffindor."

"As you know him so well and he has helped in the past, you can approach him," Harry decreed after everyone had nodded in his direction.

Tom offered a possibility next, "How about the Patil twins? We can always do with more twins as they can help create such chaos and confusion."

The two sets of twins present both grinned and instantly agreed to the brilliant suggestion. Everyone else followed along and soon enough Tom was given the job of talking to them. Hermione was briefly discussed and it was instantly accepted that it was their job to help their overeager little friend lose her hero worship of authority figures and join them in the world of pranking. Tom then turned to the Slytherins to jokingly enquire, "Are there any older Slytherins we could sway to our cause?"

He wasn't really expecting an answer to was surprised when Teddy nervously half whispered, "Actually, Adrian Pucey might be a good fit. He's the only member of the Quidditch team to play fair apparently. We can always ask."

Recovering quickly from their shock, the group hastily agreed to get Teddy to approach the older snake. Finally, it was time to hear the news on the potion from Fred and Harry. The two stood at the top of the table grinning like a pair of Cheshire Cats as Harry dramatically pulled a vial of a silvery green potion from his robes while Fred waved his arms around with a flourish while loudly proclaiming, "The finished potion! Tasteless, Odourless, and, once applied, colourless. One dose lasts one day, if continually ingested, the amount of time builds up and increases the potions potency."

The rest of the room's occupants broke into a round of applause with George and Tom going so far as to whoop in delight. Tom shouted over the din, "No time like the present! George! Check the map! Neville, teach Draco and Teddy the invisibility charm you and Fred came up with. Harry and Fred, go over the best way to apply the potion. We leave in ten minutes!"

The room descended into complete chaos for the next few minutes. Harry and Fred were ensconced in one corner, muttering to each other with their arms waving around wildly. George and Tom were at the table pouring over the map eagerly while Neville stood in front of Draco and Teddy, talking softly while the two boys listened intently. Once the ten minutes was up, the group gathered around the table, waiting for George to give out their orders. George was currently pacing in front of the group of fellow pranksters, looking more like a general about to address his troops than a troublemaker.

"Right," he snapped out, "Dumbledore is currently discussing something with McGonagall in her office. We will all perform the invisibility charm and silently make our way to Dumbledore's office. Once there, Teddy, Neville and Draco will wait out in the corridor to keep a look out and provide a distraction if needed. Meanwhile, Tom will be using his considerable power to trick the wards into ignoring the intruders and keep the portraits asleep. I will be guarding him while Harry and Fred enter the office and dose all the lemon drops with their potion. Got that?"

The Mischief makers all chorused out a, "Yes Sir!"

George nodded in satisfaction.

"Good. Now move out!" he barked before casting the invisibility spell.

This spell was different because the caster could choose to allow certain people to see them and not others. This would allow the pranksters to see each other for the mission without anyone else seeing them. It was a work of genius on the parts of Neville and Fred. Neville came up with the idea while Fred engineered it with Neville tweaking it slightly. Once everyone was invisible to outsiders, Harry cast a blanket silencing charm around them and the group moved out towards Dumbledore's office. Once there, the three lookouts spread out along the corridor while Tom and George stood back to back in front of the gargoyle. Tom then raised his arms to send out his magic into the wards, temporarily disabling them while another tendril wound around the portraits to keep them sound asleep. This done, he quickly whispered, "Go, go, go!"

Harry and Fred didn't need telling twice, with the gargoyle being pushed aside by Tom they raced up the spiral staircase and through the door at the top and into Dumbledore's inner sanctum. Knowing they didn't have long, they went straight for the dish of lemon drops on his desk. While Fred doused the lemon drops already out in the potion that swirled around them before sinking into the boiled sweets, Harry searched through the desk drawers. He struck gold when he discovered the unopened packets obviously there to refill the dish when the old coot ran out. He quickly pulled out a syringe specifically procured for this purpose and injecting a liberal amount of potion into each bag. Job complete, the grinning pair jogged back down the stairs and out past the sleeping gargoyle. As soon as they were clear, Tom released his grip on the portraits and wards and sagged back into George who immediately shifted down slightly so that Tom could climb onto his back. Mission now complete, the group split up to head back to their dorms. George stopping only long enough to pass Tom's tired body over to Neville. Soon enough, the pranksters were all safely tucked up in bed and fast asleep. Tomorrow would be an interesting day.

The next day started out depressingly normal, Dumbledore looking the same as ever during breakfast as he obviously was yet to eat a lemon drop. The pranksters were therefore on the edge of their seats until lunch when an obviously fuming Dumbledore interrupted the peace. The whole great hall gaped for a second before descending into helpless laughter. Even the teachers seemed to be struggling not to laugh at the sight Dumbledore made. The famous long silvery hair and beard were startling in their notable absence. Even his eyebrows were missing. That wasn't all though. Dumbledore's skin was now covered in sleek snake scales coloured a vibrant green while his eyes had been changed to a cloudy silver with slitted pupils. The group of seven responsible roared with laughter at the meddling old coot's predicament. Dumbledore looked apoplectic with rage, which just made the green of his scales darken even further. The group's day was made even better when Severus pulled Harry and Fred aside to ask for the antidote only to be cheerfully informed that they hadn't created one.

The best part of the whole prank was that although everyone knew that they were responsible, there was no way to prove it and nobody had any clue as to how they had administered the potion in the first place as Dumbledore's wards had never been triggered. This didn't stop Dumbledore from writing home to Paradox and Molly. Molly's response arrived first as she'd been informed by floo. The howler that arrived the next day was anticipated and immediately hit with a silencing charm before it could say a word. Meanwhile, Paradox finally received Dumbledore's letter.

Death had been having a rather boring but peaceful day before his sister came barrelling into the room and dove through the air to land on Death's stomach. Hard.

"OOF!" Death exclaimed as his breath left him in a rush.

Paradox however was too busy waving the letter she held in her hand around in paroxysms of delight to notice or care.

"They did it! They pranked Dumbledore! They actually did it! Can you believe it? My little babies pranked the lemon drop sucking madman!"

Death finally recovered enough to get out a breathy, "You doubted they would?"

"Oh of course not! Just not so soon and I miss them so much and this just made me so proud!" Paradox rambled on, showing no signs of shutting up any time soon.

Seeing this, Death seized her in a tight embrace while loudly drawling, "We'll just have to go see them then, won't we? I'll admit to being bored without them."

At this, Paradox let out an ear-splitting squeal while bouncing to her feet and dragging Death with her. She was almost incoherent with excitement by this point.

"Come on! It's after curfew and I can feel them meeting somewhere."

"Alright, alright! I'm coming!" Death groaned with a put upon sigh.

And with that, they vanished.

When they reappeared, they were standing in the middle of the Room of Requirement during an Order of Mischief congratulatory meeting. Upon spotting the two adults, Tom and Harry launched themselves across the room, one for Death and one for Paradox with shouts of,

"Mum!" and "Uncle Death!"

Fred, George and Neville watched on with bemused amusement while Draco and Teddy gaped in shock at these two people apparating into Hogwarts. Eventually, the family separated and settled into the provided chairs. Harry spoke first as usual, "Mum! Can we tell our friends the whole truth like you told Severus and Sirius?"

Paradox smiled indulgently down at the two sets of pleading green eyes as her heart melted.

"Alright, you can tell these ones, everyone else gets the edited version."

At this, she received another two hugs from her exuberant boys. Then she turned to face the other children in the room.

"You can't tell anyone this, while I talk, my brother will be building strong enough occlumency shields in your minds to protect this from everyone."

At her obviously deadly serious tone, the group of children nodded their assent. At this, Paradox grinned before launching into her story.

"Me and my brother are, in reality, gods. Our true names being Paradox and Death. My brother's jurisdiction is obvious while mine is impossibilities, time travel (including paradoxes of course) and chaos. Neither of us is particularly liked by our fellow gods so I habitually make trips down to earth to fix things or just interfere and Death always comes with me. I rescued Harry and Tom as soon as I could from the fate previously mapped out for them. If I hadn't done something, Tom would have grown up in an orphanage and become Lord Voldemort while Harry would have lived in an abusive home and been manipulated by Dumbledore into becoming a martyr. I couldn't let that happen. Also, if I hadn't stepped in, Neville's parents would have been tortured into insanity and Barty would have gone to Azkaban along with Sirius."

The group of young people sat in stunned silence for several minutes until George piped up, "That explains so much."

This effectively broke the tension and the whole group laughed before Neville raced over to Paradox and tackled her into a bone-crushing embrace, "Thank you. Thank you for saving them."

His voice sounded suspiciously choked from tears but Paradox ignored that and held him close until he regained his composure and returned to his seat where he was immediately pulled into a hug from Draco. Draco then turned to Paradox while timidly asking,

"Um… Is there any way you could help my dad and I escape Narcissa and Teddy escape his whole family? We need to get away from them. Narcissa's been threatening and attacking dad for years and I don't want the future she has set out for me. She's unstable and changes her mind every hour."

Paradox nodded slowly, a thoughtful look stealing over her face,

"For you, it would be a simple matter of talking to your father then getting Sirius to dissolve the marriage while Lucius claims you his heir and then have Sirius cast Narcissa out of the Black family. Teddy will be trickier but I'll think of something."

Death interrupted suddenly, "Leave Teddy's case to me, I'll adopt him myself if I have to."

It was Teddy and Draco's turn to shoot across the room to hug one of the Wild-Black twins. Death and Paradox laughed at this and settled down to spend the night catching up with their mischief-makers.

Life was good.

 **There you go! Hope you liked it. Oh, and to answer someone's question about Flitwick recognising Paradox and Death for what they are, if they do ever meet, Flitwick will be able to tell that they're different and powerful due to his Goblin heritage but not exactly what they are**


	12. a rescue is performed

**I'm back! I've been having to re-write my dissertation which is why things have been so bitty lately but it's been handed in so it's all over! Yay! It's on Achilles from Greek mythology in case you were wondering. I was having to read The Iliad for it …shudders…. And one of my favourite books, The Moon Riders! You should all go read it.**

 **Someone recently commented about how they wanted me to expand into different worlds/adventures with Paradox. Good news guys, I already have about three ideas about this. Now, let me know what you want me to cover first;**

 **The Jack Sparrow Incident**

 **The Hobbit Debacle**

 **Or…**

 **The Chase for Hannibal Lecter.**

 **And now, the moment I've been waiting for with this story… Diana's backstory revealed!**

Paradox was ready to punch something. Sirius had reverted to being a toddler and was whining about having to help 'that ponce, Malfoy'. Paradox had hoped he'd grown past this sort of behaviour, but apparently not. Maybe it was just Malfoy that caused him to revert to his old ways? She could dream. Either way, they were expected at Malfoy manor in ten minutes and Sirius was still sulking and Paradox had reached her limit.

"Sirius," She growled out, her power leaching into her voice enough to get Sirius to shut up and sit up, "Draco is Harry's friend and has asked for our help. Do you really want both me and the twins angry with you over this? I am basically the goddess of pranks, you don't want me as your enemy."

Sirius gulped, finally realising that he'd managed to push a god too far and he was in serious trouble. He hurriedly nodded his head as he leapt to his feet and straightened out his robes.

Paradox smirked victoriously and almost purred her next words, "Good. Now, into the floo before I lose all patience with your childish tantrums."

Sirius almost ran over to the fire before throwing the powder into the grate and stepping in with a shout of, "Malfoy Manor!"

No sooner had he arrived than Paradox had appeared behind him looking spotlessly elegant in her flowing burgundy dress and black cloak. Sirius had almost fainted when he first saw the twins playing the perfect purebloods that they absolutely weren't. It was bloody terrifying!

Almost before he could collect himself and pull up his own masks, the two Malfoys were sweeping towards them, their own cool masks firmly planted on their faces. Greetings were exchanged before Sirius informed Narcissa that he had Black family business to discuss with her and the party split with Paradox following Lucius into the drawing room and being offered tea. The moment they were both sitting, she dropped all masks, lent forward and informed the poor man, "Draco asked us to interfere. Sirius is just about to dissolve your marriage to Narcissa before casting her out of the Black family swiftly. Afterwards he'll be acknowledging Draco as both a Malfoy and a Black. You will need to be ready to claim Draco as your heir as soon as Sirius reappears."

Lucius was left in a state of complete shock. This woman was sitting here, telling him that he would soon be free from the vicious harpy he'd been bound to for so long. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was all too much to believe. Paradox saw this and kept talking to allow him time to recover, voice calm and reassuring.

"My twins, Harry and Tom, befriended Draco and he already means a lot to them both, particularly Harry as they share a house. I visited them all at the school recently and was asked by Harry to rescue not only Draco, but also their mutual friend Teddy Nott. I go by the philosophy that any close friend of my sons is family to me and are to be protected in any way possible."

This last statement seemed to be the tipping point and the tears came, mortifying Lucius. He was crying in front of a practical stranger! This wasn't how he should be acting but he just couldn't stop. This woman had basically just claimed him as family. True family. The next thing he knew, she was beside him and holding him close while he rocked slightly. Not knowing what else to do, he lent into the comfort she was offering and sobbed freely for the first time in years.

On her part, Paradox was in a state of shock. She'd expected Lucius to be a proud, stuck up pureblood she could mess with, the only reason she was going to save him being because Draco asked. Now she found herself comforting a clearly emotionally overloaded man who needed her and she felt her saving people thing kicking in with a vengeance. Lucius was now hers to protect and care for and no one would be allowed to hurt him ever again.

Almost in answer to her thoughts, Sirius walked in, Narcissa in the doorway. Before anyone had time to think, Narcissa had flown forward, screaming manically, wand pointed at her ex-husband, " _How dare you! I'll kill you for this! You can't just get rid of me like that! I created who you are today!"_

Sirius backed hurriedly away from the brewing storm. He knew the look on Paradox's face as the one she got when she found someone else to save. And he had to admit, that seeing Malfoy so undone and frightened was affecting him almost as much. Meanwhile, Paradox was furious, this… _bitch_ was about to hurt her Lucius. That would _never_ happen.

With movements similar to those of a shark, she shot forwards and sent Narcissa Nobody flying with a well-placed punch before wandlessly throwing a stunner at the crumpled figure. The threat dealt with, she stalked back over to Lucius who was clearly going into shock and was shaking badly. Upon reaching him, she dropped to her knees and cradled his face in her hands,

"Lucy? Luc? You're coming to live with me and my brother for a while until I think you're fully recovered. Come on, snap out of it. She can't hurt you anymore."

Eventually, Lucius shook off his shock and fear and focused on the woman in front of him and whispered out, "What did you just call me?"

This startled a laugh from Paradox, "Lucy. I give everyone in the family nicknames. I call Severus 'Sevvy'."

Lucius grinned wryly before croaking, "I bet he just loves that."

Sirius and Paradox both laughed at that. Paradox's eyes were sparkling like mad as she answered, "Oh you have no idea. Especially when Harry and Tom started calling him it."

Suddenly she snapped back to being deadly serious upon catching sight of Narcissa's motionless form.

"Sirius," She barked out, "Call the Aurors and explain what happened. I'm getting Lucy out of here."

Before Sirius could respond, she'd helped Lucius to his feet and had swept out of the room and towards the floo. Sirius sighed. That was so like her. Give her someone needing her help and protection and she became a dictator. It was ridiculously adorable. Sighing and shaking his thoughts off, he moved towards the floo. Today was going to be a very long day…

Meanwhile, Paradox was helping Lucius into a chair in her cosy little sitting room with the mismatched squashy armchairs and sofa, patchwork carpet, bookshelves and a roaring fire. As soon as he was seated, she summoned a mound of blankets that Lucius soon found himself buried under with a mug of steaming hot chocolate pressed into his hands.

"Now, you will stay right there and drink every drop while I sort out sleeping arrangements," Paradox said, voice laced with concern before turning and shouting up the stairs, "Brother dearest! Get your butt down here!"

That done, she whirled around and smiled sweetly at a stunned Lucius while crashes and swearing was heard from upstairs before a very bedraggled looking Death appeared, Glaring at his twin.

"What?" He snarled, "I was sleeping! In case you've forgotten, we were up late last night planning my rescue of Teddy."

Paradox's smile only got wider in the face of her twin's foul mood.

"Aw, my poor baby," She cooed, patting his cheek, "Did the little one not get enough sleepybys?"

Death's glare increased to homicidal levels before he gave up and collapsed into the nearest chair. Rubbing his face tiredly, he sighed out, "So what did you want?"

He'd already settled into looking resigned to whatever mischief Paradox was up to this time.

"Oh, it's quite simple." Paradox chirped, looking far too happy for Death's peace of mind. He knew she was up to something he wouldn't like. This was confirmed in the next few sentences.

"Narcissa tried to kill Lucy here after the disillusionment of their marriage so he's staying here. Now, we don't have time today to expand enough to add another room. Barty's still living here, so that only leaves my room, yours and the twins' room. So, just for tonight, I'd like you to move into the twins' room."

Paradox finished, beaming down at her clearly unimpressed brother.

"You want me to stay in the twins' room?" Death finally hissed out.

"Yep," Paradox sang out, bobbing her head cheerfully.

"Are you insane?!" Death yelped, struggling to his feet, "Do you know how many booby traps and failed experiments are in that room? It's a death trap!"

Death honestly seemed frightened while Paradox remained unbothered.

"You'll fit right in then, won't you? Now, off you go, I need to care for our guest."

"Rrrnugha!" Death half growled, half yelled, before stomping back up the stairs to sulk.

Completely ignoring this, Paradox span back around to face Lucius grinning madly.

"Make yourself at home while I make a start on some lunch. Just ask if you need anything," She bubbled hyperactively before bouncing from the room. Lucius could only lean back in his chair and sip his hot chocolate in a daze. This woman had just waltzed in, saved him from his miserable excuse for a marriage and was now caring for him in a way no had before in his life. He got the distinct impression that he'd just walked into a madhouse, but at that moment he couldn't care less. For the first time in decades, Lucius Malfoy was truly happy. And it was all thanks to the strange woman he could hear singing in the kitchen.

"No, no, no. Narcissa Nobody was the one who attacked Lord Malfoy. Her ex-husband. My cousin defended him. Get it through your thick skull," Sirius shouted at the incompetent imbecile masquerading as an Auror.

He was seriously losing his patience when the fire flared green and Amelia Bones immerged from the grate. Sirius sagged in relief, "Amelia, thank goodness. I was about to strangle this idiot."

The stern woman's mouth twitched minutely as she gestured for the Auror to leave before returning her full attention to Sirius.

"Explain what happened here, Lord Black," Amelia barked out, her professional, no nonsense voice sounding like music to Sirius' ears. Drawing himself up, Sirius easily slipped into his pureblood persona as he replied, voice cool and elegant.

"I arrived here with my cousin Pandora Wild-Black on official House business. Heir Malfoy had informed us that Narcissa Nobody was abusing her position as Lady Malfoy and making life a living hell for her husband. I questioned Narcissa while invoking the Black Family magical truth clauses. I discovered that Narcissa had been effectively abusing her husband for years, even using the Unforgivables on him. That is actually how he came to bear the Dark Mark, a mixture of spells placed by both Narcissa and the previous Lord Malfoy."

Sirius had to take a moment to compose himself at this point and even Madam Bones was clearly appalled. This had been going on under all their noses.

Pulling himself together, Sirius continued, voice quiet, "After hearing this, I wasted no time in dissolving the marriage, being careful to declare Draco as a member of both House Black and House Malfoy before casting Narcissa out of the family. Upon returning to the drawing room where we'd left Ms Wild-Black and Lord Malfoy it was clear that Pandora had explained our reasons for coming here and it had been too much for Lord Malfoy as he was in tears being comforted by my cousin. Narcissa saw this and flew forwards screaming insults and had her wand directed at Lord Malfoy. Pandora became enraged and incapacitated Narcissa before returning to her home with Lord Malfoy to give him time to recover."

At the end of his speech, Amelia could only nod her acceptance as she was too stunned to do much else. Lord Malfoy had been forced to do so many things by this woman who had clearly been unable to escape the madness that had affected her sister so badly. She felt it was a mark against her abilities as Head of Magical Law Enforcement that she hadn't seen what was wrong sooner. Eventually, she found her voice but it was still shaky with suppressed emotion, "Where can I find Ms Wild-Black? I will need to question Lord Malfoy as soon as possible."

Sirius barked out a laugh at that, eyes sparkling with suppressed mirth, "I doubt you'll manage that before tomorrow," he choked out, still laughing.

"And why is that?" Amelia questioned, lips pursed in annoyance.

Sirius sobered slightly upon realising this, but his voice was still strained with suppressed mirth, "Simple. Pandora has taken Lucius in as one of her strange, muddled family and will now act like a mother bear in defence of what's best for him. Lucius will be mothered to within an inch of his life before she's content to let anyone question him."

Amelia grimaced at that. She had come across the female Wild-Black before and she could easily picture what Sirius was describing and she highly doubted that she could win against Pandora while she was in that mood. Oh well, at least Lord Malfoy would be well cared for. With that in mind, she ordered her Aurors to leave and put Narcissa Nobody in the holding cells while they gathered evidence for a trial before the Wizengamot. It was going to be a very long day, she could feel it.

Soon only Sirius was left, before he too stepped into the grate. He had a werewolf waiting to hear about everything that had happened. He had an awful lot more to tell than he thought he would. Maybe he would even end up liking the ponce! Anything was possible with Paradox around.

And with that, another member was added to Paradox's patchwork family.

 **Yay! It's all done! What did you think? Oh, and anyone who likes this should have a look at 'An Intervention Occurs' as Paradox and Death actually make an appearance in that too.**


	13. The Third Floor Corridor

**Hello world! I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a while. Please don't hate me! I had exams and my muse decided to go sulk in a corner. Anyway, I dragged her back and have been on a writing binge ever since. Me and my co-writer have several joint stories planned out as well so I'll let you know when those are posted and where to find them.**

 **Anyway, on with the show!**

Another week had passed and Dumbledore was still a bald snake hybrid. The best thing about it was that he'd had to attend a Wizengamot session like that. Upon receiving that particular letter the group of seven pranksters had roared with laughter. It was just too perfect. They had been laying low for now as they were being watched quite closely by various teachers. That hadn't stopped them approaching the various people that they had approved to join their group. Lee, the Patil twins and Adrian had been easily swayed and would be introduced that very night. The whole group was working on Hermione but they knew it would be a slow process. They would all spend time with her at various points and would share stories of things that had been done wrong by various teachers. Especially Dumbledore. Fred spent a lot of his time doing research near her and used it to illustrate that books were clearly not everything. It was slow work but they were getting there. Either way, they thought that for now their numbers were complete.

That night the newly expanded group met in The Room. George and Tom were sending quite a few anxious glances towards Harry and Fred who were huddled in a corner staring at a notebook and cackling every so often. Taking a deep breath, Tom turned back around to start the meeting.

"Alright! Listen up!" He shouted and a hush fell upon the room.

It was broken every so often by Harry and Fred's insane cackling but it was better. Staring around the room, Tom spoke in a solemn voice rarely heard beyond these walls as it was reserved exclusively for pranking, "Welcome to The Order of Mischief. As you have probably guessed, we were responsible for Dumbledore's current state. The two evil geniuses cackling behind me were responsible for the creation of the potion. Watch out for them, George and I spend half our lives preventing them from accidentally causing the apocalypse. No joke. I was the one responsible for deactivating the wards while the others had our backs. The potion is in his lemon drops in case you were wondering."

The newest members stared at them no small amount of awe at this casual explanation. Tom continued, unaware of the looks they were getting, "We all have skills we bring to the table and we utilize them the best way we can. We'll teach you all we can and you'll be a part of this team in no time. Just warning you though, there may be times that we tell you to run or leave and it's best you do that as it's probably for your own safety."

Everyone nodded at this one and Tom sat down while motioning for George to continue, which he did quite happily,

"Now, the original seven of us have particular code names that we use during pranks or when writing anything down. You can choose your own or allow us to do it for you. Ea and Dour are the two inventors over there, I'm Kincaid while Tom is Raonull and I'll let the others introduce themselves."

Bowing slightly he retook his seat as Neville introduced himself and Draco, "I'm Artek and the little princess sitting next to me is Gaothaire."

This prompted Draco into jumping on Neville to start a short tickle war. When it was over he didn't bother moving back to his own seat and just remained curled up in Neville's lap. As this was normal for the group no one said anything as they were used to the displays of affection as they were seen all over the castle.

Teddy spoke last, "I'm Leal and the newest of the seven you see here today and I can safely say it's wonderful. Now, would you like to introduce yourselves and give an idea of how you think you can be helpful?"

The others nodded and the Patil twins stood first. The one on the right going first, "I'm Parvati Patil and I'll use the name Durga after a Hindu warrior goddess who rode a lion into battle. I have already insinuated myself into the gossip network and can use it to our advantage when needed. Also, Padma and I are used to acting as the other so can provide alibies if needed."

Her bubbly personality easily bled through her voice and showed in her quick movements. It was easy to see that she was excited to join. In contrast her sister seemed quite reserved but that could be deceiving, when she spoke her voice was strong and sure as she stood tall before the group of boys, "I'm Padma Patil and choose the name Kali after the Hindu mother goddess, a fierce protector. I am often called a mother bear and protect those I care for. I am a keen researcher and my specialty lies in Runes of any sort and can also offer insight into the magic of India."

The pair then sat down and smiled around at the group who nodded back approvingly.

Lee bounced up next, beaming and acting like a child, "I'm Lee Jordan and I would like to be known as Amadi. It means freedom. I would be able to offer my reputation and charisma; people listen to me especially in my role as commentator and news anchor of Hogwarts. Beyond that I'll do whatever's needed to complete our pranks successfully. I also have prior experience working with the Weasley twins and know what to watch out for around Fred."

Tom looked immensely relieved at that. Heading off Harry and Fred's more dangerous experiments could be an almost impossible task and it was good to know they had someone already trained in how to cope.

Adrian stood up slowly and carefully, seeming to consider everything he did, when he spoke his voice was low and smooth, his Pureblood heritage shining through, "I am Adrian Pucey. Now known as Aetius which is an Ancient Roman name meaning Eagle. I have years of Pureblood political training geared towards avoiding trouble sticking to me. You could say I have enough training to act as the group's lawyer. I know the Hogwarts charter back to front so can easily help plan things so we work through or around the laws so we never technically break them when we have a chance of being caught."

Everyone cheered at that. That was a _very_ useful skill to have. Now that everyone was settled and with a name, Harry bounced forwards acting like he was on a sugar high. Tom's head hit the table, he knew their newest interest was going to be difficult and possibly dangerous. He was right,

"Now, I want to find out what's so special about the third floor," Harry chirped excitedly.

If Tom had hoped for Adrian's help he was wrong as the third year responded, "Dumbledore never actually forbid it."

This caused Harry to whoop and give the reserved Slytherin a tight hug before skipping back to the head of the table. When he next spoke he was calmer, "We'll need scouts to check it out. Tom will need to go as he's the best with wards. I suspect it's under some kind of guard so expect something dangerous looking but easy to bypass. I suspect Dumbledore is going to try and test his 'Prophecy child' this year and I want to be ready for him, hopefully even get the jump on him."

Tom sobered up at that, realizing that his younger twin had a very valid point and all misgivings he had at this adventure vanished into thin air. This needed to be done to protect Harry. Glancing at Fred Tom nodded. Fred was coming whether Tom liked it or not. Lee signaled his want to participate and Tom nodded in reply. Three was a good number. They would go tomorrow. With a plan in mind the group dispersed back to their common rooms after hugs had been exchanged. Neville had to hand a sleeping Draco over to Adrian to carry back to the dorms but soon enough the castle was empty of wandering pranksters as they all collapsed into bed.

In another part of Scotland another planning meeting was taking place between two gods. The item on the agenda, Teddy's rescue.

"It's going to be harder than I thought," Death sighed out, rubbing his forehead.

Paradox nodded in agreement, "What do we know about them so far?" she questioned gently.

Death huffed in annoyance before straightening up to talk, "Teddy's father, Izar Nott, is in Azkaban for being a Death Eater. His mother is a true, icy cold Pureblood woman who's practices lean close to those of Narcissa. His Grandfather, Theodore Nott Senior, is his primary caregiver and was one of the first ever Death Eaters and was even counted among Voldemort's school 'friends'. He could possibly be reasoned with if we went with the whole 'seer' story. But it's iffy at best."

Paradox nodded while she massaged her own temples in thought, "What if we appealed to his sense of family? Point out how he was before his defeat and Teddy's own wish to escape joining him. Offer to allow him to become a ward of the Black family until the war is over? He can remain a Nott but be out of their influence so as to not be asked to join."

Death stared at his sister for several minutes before whispering, "That might just work," A grin spread across his face, "Thank you, sister."

Paradox grinned in return, "You're welcome, brother," She quipped, eyes dancing with mirth.

Death could only grin helplessly at that, eyes alight with hope now that they had a way to help a friend of their family. Tomorrow would be a very interesting day.

The next day dawned bright and early. Death was leading this particular confrontation as it was he who had placed Teddy under his protection. Teddy was his responsibility now, however unlikely this situation seemed to the longsuffering god. The things he did for his sister… Either way, he was here now, standing before the head of a pureblood family and returning the cool stare with one of matching intensity. The man, of course, had no chance when faced with Death himself. He practically invented the intimidating stare after all. The battle of wills over with, the two gods were finally offered a seat. Death tuned out the annoying small talk, leaving his sister to deal with it and only refocused when the purpose of their visit was raised. Death finally joined the conversation at that signal, voice smooth and emotionless as he regarded the man sitting before him,

"We wish to discuss Teddy," he said his eyebrow raising elegantly when Lord Nott actually allowed some genuine emotion out, it seemed this would be easier than he thought.

"What about him?" Lord Nott demanded sharply. Death laughed at that,

"My nephews, Tom and Harry Potter-Black have become very close with him and are worried for him. Apparently Teddy desperately wants to escape the family ways and most of all, your Lord. He is, quite frankly, terrified. They even report that he made the hat place him somewhere he didn't belong because he feared the consequences if he was placed anywhere other than Slytherin. We wish to give him that escape route. My question is, will you help us?"

Death's voice had remained icy throughout his speech, countenance firmly under control. The same could not be said for Lord Nott however, the more Death revealed, the paler he became until he was left sheet white and shaking slightly. When he finally managed to collect himself enough to respond, his voice was hoarse and barely more than a whisper, "Of course I'll help you."

He stared wide eyed at the twins, who finally allowed some emotion through their facades. Death let out a sigh of relief, "Good." He murmured, "That's very good."

Paradox was practically bouncing in her seat by this point, she'd never been good at the whole pureblood nonsense and never would be. It was her that spoke next, words flowing out of her as she eagerly explained their plan, "Oh that's wonderful. We thought it best if he became a Ward of the House of Black for the foreseeable future. He would be under my brother's care but seeing as how we live together anyway that doesn't really mean anything beyond Teddy being afforded an added layer of protection. He'll have Harry and Tom there all the time as well as the rest of their friend group. Lucy is still living with us so that means Draco will be there as well, the Weasley twins practically live with us anyway and Neville's family are round just as often. Oh I can't wait! We'll have to add on some more rooms or just enlarge the boys' room further. The kitchen will have to be enlarged again and-"

Choosing to ignore his sister's happy ramblings for the sake of his own sanity, Death turned to address the stunned Lord Nott, "Ignore her, it's what I always do," Death supplied, grinning.

"Oi!" Paradox hollered, swatting Death's arm.

They were distracted by Lord Nott roaring with laughter.

"I can see Teddy will be quite happy." He chuckled, smiling for the first time before adding thoughtfully, "If a tad insane."

It was both gods turns to make noises of displeasure.

Despite a lot of good-natured ribbing, Teddy was placed in the care of Death by nightfall.

Meanwhile, in a castle hidden in the Highlands, three small figures were sneaking closer to the infamous third floor corridor. As soon as they reached the entrance to the corridor Tom signaled for the others to stop as he let his magic reach out to feel for any wards. He was shocked and sickened to find none whatsoever. What was Dumbledore thinking? Forcefully ejecting these thoughts, Tom motioned for the others to follow him as he carefully continued to make his way down the corridor, magic swirling round him in search of even a hint of magic to indicate there was _something_ to stop intruders. Nothing. By the time they reached the door at the end, Tom was feeling slightly sick; it was looking more and more likely that Harry was right about this whole situation. They'd deliberately stopped Paradox telling them anything unless they asked. They wanted the freedom to work things out for themselves. Tom almost regretted that now. Upon searching the door before them, Tom _growled._ The only thing protecting the students from whatever was behind this door was a simple _Colloportus_. There was nothing to strengthen the door against physical attacks and the door would open by using a _first year spell._ That was it. Tom was going to throttle the old goat using his own beard. When it grew back, that is. That reminder allowed Tom to contain his rage for now, but some revenge would have to be planned. Dumbledore would learn the true meaning of the word suffering. _No one_ threatened Harry's safety like this. Fred's hand on his shoulder pulled him from his dark thoughts and grounded him in the here and now. Shooting the red headed genius a grateful smile, he quickly disabled the locking spell and pulled open the door. Upon seeing the half-awake and very grumpy Cerberus on the other side, he soon wished he hadn't. Fred, easily taking in every detail hauled him back and slammed the door shut before the three headed dog could do more than growl. Tom hastily reasserted the locking spell as the three children stared at each other in horror.

"Most painful death was right," Lee muttered disbelievingly.

Tom and Fred could only nod as they headed back to the rest of the Order. Their faces were grim. This was not good.

Upon reaching the room, Tom quickly enveloped his younger brother in a crushing embrace. This sign of unease from one of their designated leaders unnerved them all, whatever they found had to be bad. Fred silently guided them all to the table before he and his brother gently separated their closest friends and each scooped one up, holding them close as they sat in their chairs. Tom ensconced on Fred's lap while Harry watched the solemn expressions with a look of clear confusion on his face as he curled up further in George's comforting hold. Fred took over the report easily, voice tight with rage, "Harry was right. The old fool is up to something and it's not good. There were no wards, and only a _colloportus_ securing the door. There's a Cerberus behind it, protecting a trap door. The horrifying thing is, Cerberus' are easily dealt with. The myth of Orpheus is fairly well known and gives a surefire way of dealing with the creatures. He wants Harry to get past it for some reason, the question is, _why?_ "

No one spoke for several minutes, faces filled with fear and trepidation. The silence was broken by Tom, who had gone even paler than before,

"No." He looked sick with fear, "he wouldn't."

"What? What is it, Tom?" Fred asked frantically.

"I should have seen it sooner," Tom whispered dazedly, face curiously blank.

"Tom, you're frightening me, tell me what's wrong," Fred begged, voice ragged.

"Voldemort's possessing Professor Quirrell," Tom finally got out.

The whole room froze, staring at the small boy in growing horror.

"What?" Fred croaked, face clammy.

Surprisingly enough it was Padma who spoke up this time, voice unnaturally hard and eyes flinty with barely suppressed rage, "Okay. We know who's organizing this, who the other person involved in this trap is and the start of the trap. What some of us don't know and would like explained is why this is all happening. I would like an explanation."

This no nonsense attitude and clear plan of action pulled the rest of the group back together somewhat and Tom started the long explanation, "Before Harry, Neville and I were even born, Dumbledore in his infinite wisdom decided to take the words of a desperate drunk said during the end of a job interview as a real prophecy. Whether it was or not is up for debate. The gist of it was that a child born as the seventh month dies would have the power to finish off ol' Moldyshorts. He picked Harry. You know what happened next. I was born the same day as Harry but earlier in the evening. Harry was born just before midnight. Voldemort didn't know of my existence at the time which was lucky as I'm actually a descendant of Slytherin myself. Anyway, Dumbledore has been intent on meddling ever since. This is the first time he's had a legitimate chance of messing with Harry without our family there to step in between us."

Padma nodded sharply, the fury simmering in her eyes increasing dramatically, "What might Dumbledore be using as bait to lure Voldemort here?"

Tom sighed heavily at this, as to be honest, he had no idea. Harry replied though, "His first order of business will most likely be getting his body back so I can only hypothesize it being some kind of magical object that has huge restorative powers that Dumbledore has some kind of personal tie with."

Padma nodded thoughtfully at this, expression thoughtful as she contemplated this newest information before her head snapped up, eyes wide. "Oh Merlin," She whispered, face showing dawning comprehension.

"What is it, Pads," Parvati questioned urgently, "What did you figure out?"

"The Philosopher's Stone," Padma said dreamily, turning to stare at her twin, "He's placed the Philosopher's Stone in a _school."_

Adrian swore loudly. Face thunderous. "He wouldn't, surely?" He spat, "That would attract every dark wizard out there."

"Oh he would," Neville growled out. His expression was uncharacteristically dark.

Seeing his distress, Draco crept into his lap while Teddy leaned against the bear like boy's side. Neville easily relaxed at the contact, wrapping an arm around each of the smaller boys.

"What do we do?" Lee said quietly. His eyes were shadowed at this newest revelation.

Surprising everyone, it was Draco that answered the query, "We get it before the plan has a chance to gain momentum. That way we deal with both opponents without endangering our own lives. After Christmas would be best. It gives Dumbledore time to grow complacent while allowing us time to observe and gather information. If we make sure to meet up over the Christmas holidays then we can finalize our plans so we can implement them on returning to the castle."

It was the only plan they had so everyone quickly agreed and the tension in the room finally relaxed now that they had a way to deal with the situation. It was now that George decided to bring up the plan he'd been turning over in his mind for some time now. It seemed like using it as a distraction would be sensible, "Until then, I would like to suggest us learning the animagus transformation. It would be easy to get the process and advice from Sirius and it would give us something to do as a group. Plus, the forms could be useful for pranks and our planned liberation of an infamous magical object."

George was proven right about this method as the room was instantly filled with excited chatter and cries of agreement. It appeared that there would soon be eleven unregistered animagi running around Hogwarts. Paradox and Sirius would be ecstatic at the news. Death and Severus, not so much.

Unfortunately, there would be no stopping them.


	14. Review response

Ok, so there was quite a few questions or concerns that I wanted to address from some of my readers. I'm doing this because sometimes I follow a train of thought in my head but it doesn't translate fully on to the page. Anyway, hope this helps.

Dragoon109

 _You do know Sirius deserves to be in prison right?_

 _Also the whole civil war with the death eaters where right, they had a right to fight agisnt the invasion force of the muggleborns changing there society._

 _It's like the gachine of japan._

In regards to Sirius, yes he may deserve severe punishment for the murder attempt during their sixth year. I am aware I have yet to address that particular issue, but I really haven't included Sirius much yet. My thoughts on Sirius are mixed. He's clearly from a family who are very likely abusive, he's the Heir but he went to Gryffindor. He actually had to run somewhere near the end of his Hogwarts education. This all can't have helped his emotional growth and maturity and it's very likely that he saw Severus as everything his 'family' wanted him to be. Also, I believe that going to Azkaban stunted his emotional growth further as he was still very young at the time. At the same time, he really should have been punished more and that was really Dumbledore's fault for not doing that.

I agree and disagree about your point about the Death Eaters. Yes, they had a right to protect their way of life and beliefs from the muggleborns and their ignorance. However, they could easily have achieved this through many different channels besides an all out war. They caused whole families to die out. Some being pureblood families, the people who's rights they claimed to be fighting for. If you wait and continue reading, I may go in to this whole argument later in the story. I haven't yet because my main characters are school children and I want to keep the tone slightly lighter and fun orientated for a little longer.

CaseLC

 _For clarification, Theodore Not Senior didn't know or didn't like what his daughter in law did to Teddy and was unable to help him? Dose Theo Senior no longer support Voldemort? Was he being blocked to help Teddy before and thus jump at the opportunity Death gave him? Anyhow this was a wonderful chapter, especially when Senior agreed, Death told him to ignore her, and when the kids figured everything out. Thanks for the chapter and laughs._

Ok, Theodore Nott Senior loved Teddy but still trained in the pureblood ways and politics. Teddy is still the Heir. However, yes, I believe that he didn't realize quite how obsessive and bigoted his daughter in law was.

I see it more along the lines of Theo Senior supporting the friend he remembered from Hogwarts but he's clear minded and sensible enough to see that that man is long gone.

And I think it's a mixture of him wanting Teddy safe from the mark and also wanting to give Teddy the life he wanted. He's sad that he can't give him that but he'll still see his grandson.

gginsc

 _Interesting story. They all seem to be a bit overpowered. Is the copy of Tom not human? Why is it ok to destroy that being but not Tom? Paradox is a bit insane for a god. Since her powers are limited, she really doesn't qualify as god. I know, this is fiction. I prefer more serious characters. She is flaky. All this complaining will not stop me from reading any update you post._

Ok. I don't really see my characters as overpowered. Tom Riddle was always described as a very powerful wizard, even as a child, and Harry's prophecised to be his equal. However, in the original timeline, both lived in the muggle world and were treated badly for their magic, meaning they couldn't use it freely to explore their capabilities. They have a happy home so can push the limits of their potential in everything they do. And their friends get dragged along for the ride. In terms of their intelligence, (Fred) I honestly believe that those two had to be scarily intelligent to do everything they do in the books. It's all incredibly impressive magic. I'm just giving them friends that challenge their intelligence and give them the chance to improve on it.

Ooh, moral question, I like. Paradox creates what is basically a puppet, it's not really a human being or even truly living in the first place. It's purpose is merely to make sure the timeline stays unaltered up to a certain point and ties into your next querie. Paradox's powers are, in fact, unlimited and I examine them more later in the story. The limitations on her powers are placed there by her family. In a companion story I wrote, "An Intervention Occurs." We learn a bit more about her treatment by her family. The main reason she has to place the fake Tom in the timeline is because Fate would throw a hissy fit otherwise and quite possibly attack her in anger. A lot of what Paradox does is to make sure that she's ignored by her so called family and left to keep helping Harry and Tom.


	15. Hermione is Converted

**Ok, I'm sorry I haven't updated in ages. I have a reason! Don't kill me! I was kind of in the middle of the Mexican jungle, living in tents and washing out of a bucket of rainwater. I'm now home in lovely Scotland and covered in Mosquito bites. I actually had an amazing time! Even if we regularly found tarantula holes near our tents and there was a scorpion found in what they labelled as toilets. Anyway, on with the show!**

The next day dawned bright and early. The group of pranksters were scattered throughout the hall eating breakfast, though only a few had stuck to their own house table. Padma and Parvati were huddled together with Lee and George at Gryffindor, Adrian was muttering quietly to Tom and Fred over at Ravenclaw while Harry, Neville, Draco and Teddy were sitting together at the Slytherin table. This had once been an odd sight, but by now everyone in the castle knew not to even attempt to suggest that the group stop. If they did, they were only met with blank expressions and scandalised cries of, "Never! Why would we do that?"

Everything was quiet until the arrival of the post. Two things stood out for everyone instantly, the official letters winging their way towards the Heirs of House Malfoy and Nott, and the headlines of the Daily Prophet. The Prophet had finally caught hold of the Malfoy family split. The headlines screamed out the news.

 ** _Lady Malfoy a Lady no more!_**

 ** _A few days ago a shocking thing occurred. Narcissa Malfoy nee Black was paid a visit by her cousin, Lord Sirius Black. Lord Black is an acclaimed war hero and Godfather to The-Boy-Who-Lived, so this occasion should have made Lady Malfoy's Political and Social career. Unfortunately, this was no social visit. Lord Black, working off of information provided by Heir Malfoy, a close friend of his Godson, proceeded to not only annul her marriage to Lord Malfoy, but then went on to cast her out of the Black family. Narcissa Malfoy nee Black, one of the most prestigious names in our society is now Narcissa Nobody._**

 ** _'What could have possibly caused this?' I hear you ask._**

 ** _Well, dear readers, that is where things get truly interesting. It seems that Miss Nobody was the one responsible for Imperiusing Lord Malfoy during the last Wizarding War. Not only that, but she's been controlling him ever since using a heady cocktail of dark torture curses, Imperius and intimidation._**

 ** _That's right, dear readers. This… woman is responsible for making an innocent man's life a living hell for their entire marriage._**

 ** _The worst is yet to come, dear readers. She had planned the same thing for her son as soon as she deemed him old enough. She already had him living in fear of her, and she would have him be a good little dark wizard 'worthy of the House of Black.'_**

 ** _It appears that Narcissa Nobody is just as mad as her older sister Bellatrix Lestrange, who is famed for her masterful use of manipulation and the Imperius to trap Bartemius Crouch Jr._**

 ** _With this monster as a role model is it any surprise that her practices have gone unnoticed for so long?_**

 ** _I would personally like to wish Lord Malfoy a speedy recovery and all the luck in the world in the future._**

 ** _Rita Skeeter_**

The official letter clutched in Draco's hands was only a confirmation of the words splashed across the Prophet for all to see. Murmurs swept the hall as Draco leapt at Harry and half strangled his friend while sobbing out his thanks. Harry just sat there, cradling his relieved friend as he finally let go of all the nervous tension he'd been living with for so many years. Meanwhile, Teddy had opened his own official letter. It read as such;

 _To the Heir Presumptive of the Noble House of Nott_

 _I, Lord of the Noble House of Nott do hereby release my Heir Presumptive into the care of the Ancient and Noble House of Black until his coming of age and beyond if he so chooses._

 _I name Mort Andrius Wild-Black as his primary guardian in my stead. May he care for my Heir as if he was his own._

 _This I swear, so mote it be._

Teddy could only stare at the words proclaiming his freedom for several minutes. The twins had done it, they'd actually saved him. And Death really had followed through on adopting him. This was a miracle, it had to be. Turning to face the Ravenclaw table, Teddy launched himself at Tom's back, enveloping the other boy in a hug while throwing the letter at Fred as an explanation. Upon reading the missive, Fred let out a whoop before passing it on to Adrian. Adrian's reaction was to blink in shock, this document stated that a Pureblood Lord had been persuaded into giving control over his heir over to another. This was unheard of. His respect for his new friends shot up alarmingly at this, not only were they plotting to outwit both Dumbledore and Voldemort, but had also worked to improve the lives of two of their number following the rules of their society. As a budding politician, Adrian could tell that these people would change their whole world and he planned to be right there with them.

By this point, Harry, Draco and Neville had all moved to join them and the joyous news shared with everyone. Harry laughed when he heard and said, "Mum's probably adding extra space as we speak. You'll both be staying with us indefinitely if she gets her way, which she always does. She's scarily stubborn."

Draco gaped at him at that pronouncement. His mouth flapped as he stuttered, "W-what? Why would we be there? We have a mansion."

Harry laughed again, "Our mum takes the term 'mother bear' to a whole new level. I can guarantee that your dad is currently being mothered within an inch of his life. You're both been adopted into our patchwork family and won't be escaping anytime soon."

Draco launched himself at both of the twins this time, barely able to believe the news that he now had such an amazing family. He hoped his father was ok. Lucius had always been kind to him when he'd managed to escape Narcissa's gaze for a while. He'd at least tried to be a proper parent and had shielded Draco from Narcissa as much as possible. The warm, fluffy moment was interrupted by Hermione sitting down next to Neville and proclaiming, "I want that explanation you promised me at the Sorting. Also, I want to know how you pranked Dumbledore."

The group stared at their female friend in surprise. They'd completely forgotten about their promised explanation to Hermione with everything they'd been doing. That was unacceptable, Hermione deserved better from them. Tom was silently nominated as spokesperson for this occasion, "Of course, Hermione. I'm sorry we haven't done that sooner. But not here, Padma and Fred will come get you after curfew tonight and we'll explain everything. There are still some others who need to hear the full explanation anyway. Will that do?"

The whole table could see Hermione's curiosity and her love for rules warring against each other, naturally, curiosity won out in the end and she nodded her assent. With that all agreed, the group all stood to head off to class for the day.

Surprisingly, the day stayed worryingly prank free. The twins thoughts all being filled with thoughts of this evening and the conversation to be had. All the teachers were in a state of disbelief by the time curfew rolled around. They'd had a quiet, prankless day and they all felt at a bit of a loose end because of it.

Meanwhile, unknown to all, the Order of Mischief were all sneaking towards the Room of Requirement, Hermione following along after them. Once everyone was seated, Tom stood up to explain everything to the gathered students, "Hermione wishes to understand why we dislike Dumbledore. I know you've all heard this already, but I feel like we need it put in a concise way so we can continue plotting how to combat the situation we are being faced with."

Murmurs of assent were heard throughout and Tom nodded before continuing, "Good. Now, Dumbledore has done many questionable things during his life but our personal grievances start with a 'prophecy' spoken by a known drunk and fraud during a job interview for the Divination position. Dumbledore took this to be the real deal, hired her, and allowed news of it to get back to Voldemort. This prophecy stated that a baby born at the end of 'the seventh month' would have the power to defeat 'the Dark Lord'. Three babies were born at the end of July. Harry, Neville and I. Harry and Neville fit the other parameters of the prophecy and no one knew I existed at this point so I am discounted. Voldemort picked Harry and went after his family. Harry survived and Dumbledore has been trying to gain control over Harry ever since. He would have succeeded immediately after the tragedy if it hadn't been for our mum and uncle. They've shielded us both from him and built up a strong family who all know not to trust the old coot. This is the first chance the fool has had to mess with Harry and he's really gone all out. He's hidden The Philosopher's Stone in the school, guarded by a Cerberus and goodness knows what else behind a door protected only by a simple locking charm. Not only that, but he's pointedly ignoring the fact that our DADA teacher is currently possessed by Lord Voldemort himself."

Hermione was openly gaping while the rest of the room just looked furious. Put so plainly, it all seemed that much worse. Finally, Hermione stammered, "H-how do y-you know all this?! How can anyone have worked this much out?"

Harry and Tom grimaced at that before Harry stood to explain that one, "This is a closely kept secret so I'd ask you to not speak of this to anyone and avoid looking Dumbles in the eye at any time. Our mum has a Mastery in working with unknown and obscure magicks, she used this to send both her and her brother's memories back to their younger selves' bodies. They're working with full knowledge of what could have happened if they hadn't stepped in. As it stands, I would be stuck in some orphanage and have grown up alone and bitter, and Harry would have lived with magic hating, abusive muggles. Neville's parents would be permanent residents of St Mungo's, Draco and Theo would have ended up being forced to join the Death Eaters and there would have been another Wizarding war by our fifth year. Oh, and Sirius would have been left to rot in Azkaban for twelve years without a trial. Needless to say, we're all incredibly glad that that didn't happen. As it stands, she's letting us go through Hogwarts under our own steam, only stepping in if we ask for help."

Everyone who didn't know there was something special about the Wild-Black siblings before were now openly gaping in stunned disbelief. This was talk about magic never thought possible before, and for it to be mentioned so casually was awe-inspiring. In that instant, Paradox gained two new devoted hero worshippers in the form of Hermione and Padma. No one could think of anything to say, so only nodded along dumbly, they'd have questions later once they had assimilated the new information. Realising this, Fred clapped his hands to gain the group's attention before deftly changing the subject, "Now that that's sorted, shall we start discussing Dumboldork's crazy plan and what we should do to prepare for thwarting it."

Everyone's attention immediately focused in on this problem as Fred picked up a pen and walked to the whiteboard, talking as he went. "Alright," He muttered,

"We know that the first obstacle is a Cerberus. He most likely got that from Hagrid, who is not someone you should trust with delicate information at the best of times. So, maybe he used other staff members to protect it. Who would he use?"

There was a few minutes of muttering before Parvati shouted out, "The House Heads."

Fred nodded eagerly, writing the names down with a space next to each name before saying, "Good. Now, each will probably have something to do with the subject they teach. So, for Sprout we're looking at a potentially deadly plant that's part of the first year curriculum. Neville? Any ideas?"

Neville straightened instantly as he responded, "If he was really trying to protect the stone there's so many plants that would work perfectly, however, if what we suspect is true then it's most likely to be Devil's Snare. That's deadly but easily dealt with."

This was instantly written up on the board next to 'Sprout.'

"What about Flitwick?" George called out.

It was Harry who answered that, "Well I'll bet that the goat has heard about my flying abilities so Flitwick's challenge is likely to incorporate that in some way. Severus' will be a logic puzzle of some sort, knowing him. That only leaves McGonagall."

Everyone nodded their agreement as Fred scribbled away at the board. Draco spoke up next, voice strong and confident sat among his friends, "The way I see it, hers and Severus' are likely to be the most difficult. Neither is likely to back down against Dumbledore and will actually put some effort into it. McGonagall is a Gryffindor who's lived through two wars. Hers will be a battle of wills involving a lot of strategizing. Similar to chess. Either way, it will simulate an actual battle in some way."

Harry heaved a sigh of relief, "Thanks, Draco."

Fred nodded solemnly in agreement as he added their theories on McGonagall to their list.

Once this was done, he returned to the table. Explaining as he went, "We can show the list to Pan when she visits next to find out if we're right about this."

Tom sighed in relief at Fred already having a plan in place for keeping Harry safe.

"Okay," He called, "Now we need to prank Dumbledore again. No one goes after Harry and gets away with it. He may not know why we hate him, but we can still make his life hell."

Tom was pacing by the end of his short tirade while Fred, George, Neville, Draco and Teddy growled their agreement.

"We've already hit his love of Gryffindor. What else can we do?"

Surprisingly, it was Hermione who answered that one, "What if…" She hesitated a moment before continuing on, "What if we attacked his wardrobe in some way. It really is too bright. We could try to find some way to permanently change anything he wears black or something."

Everyone stared at the rule loving girl before Parvati broke the silence,

"Hermione," She said slowly. "I could kiss you right now. That is genius!"

Hermione blushed bright red and tried to hide behind Padma. This set everyone off laughing at the poor girl. Finally, Teddy choked out, "Well at least her name's easy." The laughter died down at that as Hermione looked puzzled.

"Athena!" proclaimed Teddy proudly.

This started the laughter back up again before they went round introducing themselves again to the confused young witch.

Before the meeting could end though, Paradox and Death apparated in to the middle of the room only to be mobbed by the group of seven who knew the truth about them. Draco and Teddy in particular were enthusiastic with their greetings of the twins responsible for freeing them from the more oppressive members of their family. Everyone else was left to gape yet again at the people who had just apparated into Hogwarts. Something that was meant to be impossible. Upon realising who these people were, they soon calmed down though, after all, they had sent themselves back in time without causing untold damage. This was nothing compared to that. The rest of that meeting was spent quietly in smaller groups chatting about nothing in particular and just relaxing with friends and family. Fred was off in a corner, discussing the list with Paradox and editing it as he went. People were curious, but chose to leave it until tomorrow. There would be plenty of time to deal with that tomorrow. By the time everyone was ready to head back, Draco and Padma were both fast asleep, Draco curled up next to Neville as he chatted with Hermione and Parvati. While Padma had passed out on a beanbag in a quiet corner by the fire. Luckily enough, Fred and Adrian were able to get the two first years back to their own beds without waking them.


	16. Of Animagi and Aquariums

**I'm not dead! Yay! Just a bit stressed with enrolling to college, induction days, birthdays and travelling all over Britain. I start college tomorrow so I'm sorry if I don't manage to update as regularly as I'd like. Anyway, this chapter has a lot of stuff happening, including some of my adult pairings being revealed! I'm still unconvinced about what I'm doing with some of the kids but that won't be happening for a while and there's still people to be added to the Order of Mischief. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this and thanks again to my beta reader Karmaruelovegoodeverdeen. We'll be posting the beginnings of some of our joint projects soon!**

The time passed quietly after that. The twins had sent a letter off to Sirius with their request and soon received a parcel containing books and journals detailing the Animagus transformation and Sirius' personal experiences with the process. These in hand, they had cornered Severus and soon managed to wheedle a large batch of the Animagus potion from him along with a lesson on the proper method of brewing the difficult mixture. With these things collected, they only needed to find time to take the potion to reveal their forms. This proved difficult as they were currently planning a Halloween prank so complicated that they'd had to involve Paradox or 'Pan' as she was known to the Order of Mischief.

The morning of Halloween dawned bright and clear as the inhabitants woke to discover that the whole school was now doubling up as an aquarium.

The ceilings were all covered with a thick layer of water filled with various creatures from different areas of the ocean. It was most prominent in the common rooms and the great hall. Slytherin's ceiling was playing host to a whole load of poisonous looking fish and several sea snakes. Gryffindor were faced with a host of lion fish while an unknown Ravenclaw had identified the fish in their common room as 'Atlantic Sea Ravens'. No one was quite sure yet what had taken up residence in the Hufflepuff common room ceiling but could guess what sort of name it would have. Even the staff had a fish following them. Snape's companion was identified as a 'Batfish'. Flitwick had a horrifying creature floating around after him that was eventually recognised as a Goblin Shark. The Great Hall was the most impressive though. Most of the ceiling space was now full of water and people could clearly see porpoises and turtles swimming through shoals of various fish and even a few jellyfish for the turtles to snack on. It became clear that the surface of the water was the bit nearest the floor as the porpoises and turtles regularly returned here to breath. McGonagall was only grateful they weren't playing host to a whale of any kind. All the students loved this newest development and spent the whole day admiring the fish swimming above their heads. The staff… The staff were more concerned with getting the Headmaster to leave his office. The pranksters had used the chance of having Pan around to pull off their latest prank on Dumbledore in a way that didn't risk any of the members' safety. All Dumbledore's robes now instantly turned black as soon as he put them on and nothing he tried would fix it.

McGonagall soon grew tired of his sulking and dragged him forcefully down to the Halloween feast. Halfway through, Quirrell burst in shouting something about a troll in the castle before _fainting forwards_. Not suspicious at all. Harry and Tom shared a look before silently adding a creature to their mother's aquarium spell with instructions to hunt the troll down. That done, the Order of Mischief quietly made their way to their respective common rooms.

The teachers would soon discover that a Great White Shark had bitten the troll's head clean off before calmly spitting it out to land on Quirrell's head. Quirrell had promptly fainted again and had to be carried back to his quarters.

With Halloween out of the way, the Order could finally focus on becoming Animagi. The night they planned to start the transformation started out like any other, the group sneaking out and meeting up in the Room of Requirement. That is where things started to change. The room they summoned was clear of all furniture and was instead covered only in carpets and large floor cushions. Grinning, the friends soon gathered around Harry as he passed a vial of the necessary potion out to each of them. They'd agreed they'd go from their newest member back to the founding four. Making Hermione the first. Gulping nervously, the young Ravenclaw knocked back the foul concoction and passed the empty vial over to Adrian. Suddenly, her form seemed to blur and soon enough a beautiful tawny owl was sitting in Hermione's place. The owl still had her distinctive golden-brown eyes while her plumage was a couple of shades darker than was usual for those birds. Whoops of joy and laughter filled the air as Hermione examined her form in the mirror the room had quickly provided. After a few minutes, Hermione blurred back in to view, grinning broadly.

Lee and Adrian were next up going together to speed up the process. They shared a sharp nod and a smile before downing their own vials and passing them off to the person nearest to them. Lee blurred first with Adrian a second behind. Lee, it turned out, was an African Wild Dog which wasn't hugely surprising as they were full of energy and very pack orientated. What was surprising was Adrian, who had also turned into a creature indigenous to the African desert. He was a Deathstalker Scorpion. It made sense as he was the most cunning and cautious of the group, but they'd all expected him to be something a little closer to home, maybe a snake of some sort. Both turned back at the same time and while Lee whooped and hollered, Adrian just smirked smugly. Congratulations were passed around before it was the Patil twins' turn to take the potion.

Their forms were another surprise as while they were both big cats, they weren't the same. Parvati transformed into a lioness with dark golden fur and almost black eyes while Padma's form was revealed to be a tiger with dark reddish fur instead of the usual orange and golden yellow eyes. The sisters spent their time in their forms purring as they curled up together. Hugs were instantly provided to the pair on their return to human form.

Next came Teddy and Draco. Neither were sure what they'd be so were understandably nervous. It turned out that they were both cats as well. Teddy was an Ocelot, a small wild cat with beautiful golden fur and leopardlike rosettes. Draco was the one who drew all their eyes though. He was a Lynx, with fur such a pale shade of gold it was practically white and which made his stormy grey eyes stand out sharply. Neville instantly moved forward to pat Draco's fur like he would with his own Lynx, Alala. Jokes and embraces were passed around afterwards, focusing mainly on Neville gaining a new pet. All jokes stopped though when Neville's form was revealed. Neville was a Grizzly bear. He was huge, easily the biggest animal so far with golden fur and warm brown eyes that they all knew so well and put them at ease even as he growled at them.

This only left the founding four. Tom, Harry, Fred and George had agreed to take the potion together. Upon transforming they discovered that they were all different sub-species of wolf. The only one identified easily being Fred as he was a Red Wolf just like his familiar Agro. The other three carefully examined their forms in detail before they changed back. As soon as they were human again, they asked the room for books on different types of wolves and settled down to search. Tom found his first, proudly declaring that he was a Timber Wolf. Harry soon discovering that he was a Eurasian or Carpathian Wolf. Despite these creatures' usual colouring, both Harry and Tom's Animagus forms were pitch black with their uniquely coloured green eyes. This only left George, who was quick to announce that he was an Ethiopian wolf or Red Jackal.

Now, all they needed to do was practice until they could transform at will. With Sirius' notes on the process created by the Marauders this would take significantly less time. Especially with Adrian, their transfiguration expert, working on improving it even further with Neville's help. There were still occasions where they had to pretend to be having a prank war to explain away the random animal features they would get stuck with every so often. The tails proved to be the most annoying. Luckily, they were finished the transformation by the time the Christmas holidays rolled around.

It had been organized that Adrian, the Patils, Hermione and Lee would all arrive on boxing day to spend the rest of the holidays with the Potter-Black family. Fred and George would already be there the majority of the time with both Bill and Charlie stopping by to see various members of the family while Teddy and Draco were living there anyway.

It was a very rowdy trip back to London Kings Cross and the group of friends all piled out at the other end in a tangle of limbs and luggage. Adrian, Lee, Hermione and the Patil twins soon went to find their parents to introduce them to their friends. In Hermione's case, this involved hauling her parents through the barrier. The rest of their group made their way towards the gaggle of adults needed to pick them up from the station. Paradox and Death were present of course, along with the Weasley matriarch. Then there was Alice and Frank, Sirius, Remus, Barty and Lucius. They made a very strange group. Particularly with Paradox trying to mother everyone, even Molly Weasley!

Draco split from the group first, running forward to give his father a hug. Lucius caught his easily and swept him up to sit comfortably on his hip. Teddy took this as his cue to do the same to his new guardian. Death only had a moment to look uncomfortable before he had an armful of grateful Pureblood. Sighing, he lifted the eleven-year-old up to sit just like Draco was. To be honest, the usually antisocial and prickly god didn't mind as much as he was expecting. Teddy was a quiet, intelligent child who was also surprisingly pleasant to cuddle. Death got the sinking feeling that he was getting attached. After centuries of successfully avoiding this very thing he was, unsurprisingly, getting emotionally invested in this mad group of people.

Meanwhile, the other parents were now fussing over their children while Neville managed to escape long enough to hug Barty. Harry and Tom were surprised to see Remus here. They knew that he was still clinging to the last threads of his loyalty to Dumbledore and they were hoping that their discovery would be the final blow. They knew that Sirius hated keeping so much from his mate. Remus still only knew the version of events provided to the public and they hated seeing Sirius so torn up over something. It probably helped that the couple had only got together a year ago after an epic prank war that ended up with the pair stuck under some very stubborn mistletoe. Glancing at their mum, they saw that she agreed with their hopes and plans. Remus would soon be a part of their extended family on a level with Neville's parents.

The greetings were interrupted by the rest of their friends turning up with their own parents. Introductions being passed around and Paradox surprising everyone by conversing with Lord Patil in his home language. Mr and Mrs Granger were promised a visit at some point in the future so that the wizarding parents could explain their culture a little better to the intelligent pair. Lee's mother and Molly obviously knew each other already and Lee's father was getting on famously with the two Marauders. Lord Pucey was meanwhile talking quietly with Lucius about politics with Death contributing his own opinions every so often. Sooner than the friends would like, it was time to leave and go home.

The Christmas holidays started out surprisingly quietly. Neville and the twins were away with their own families leaving Harry, Tom, Teddy and Draco to their own devices. Paradox had warned them all against pranks until Severus was home. Paradox planned to prank 'Sevvie' the instant he walked through the door. A couple of days later, it happened. Severus came home to the cottage after finally escaping his duties at the castle and was bone tired. However, the moment his foot crossed the threshold, his relaxed clothes of slacks and a shirt were replaced by a full Batman costume, mask and all as the theme tune blared through the house. He stood there, stunned, for a good through minutes before Paradox's maniacal laughter broke through his disbelieving haze.

 _"Pan!"_ He roared, wand drawn, _"I'll kill you for this!"_

With that, one of the pair's legendary chases began. It was the first one witnessed by Remus, Lucius, Draco and Teddy and they watched as a cackling Paradox ran through the house, vaulting over furniture with an enraged Snape hot on her heels, still dressed as Batman. The others had all succumbed to tears of laughter.

"How long do you think it'll take Severus to realise he has feelings for her?" Lucius asked slowly. That shut the others up as they turned to regard the Pureblood Lord.

"Too long," Death replied decisively, "Would you like to join me in my quest to get those two idiots to admit their feelings?"

"I'd be delighted," Lucius replied haughtily, nose turned up regally. He couldn't maintain it though and ended up grinning unashamedly.

It took an hour for the duo to tire themselves out and call a truce. It took even longer to restore the house to rights. Once that was done, Paradox addressed the children, "Okay. I'm guessing you'll want everyone in your room and for me to make the changes permanent so that they'll always have somewhere to sleep."

The group nodded eagerly and Paradox grinned at them all happily before going to extend the house yet again. The interior was now over twice the size it had been when she originally bought it and far more chaotic and full of life.

Christmas day came and was full of people, presents and fun. It was a designated prank-free day so even though the house was full of people and noise there were no explosions or shocked screams.

Boxing day, however, was pure chaos at first. Fred and George arrived first with Bill and Charlie in tow. Bill immediately vanishing to greet Barty, his boyfriend and soon to be Fiancé. It had taken Bill a long time to get Barty to agree to give him a chance after Barty's betrayal at the hands of Rabastian. Bill had been patient though and the pair were now quite happy together even with Bill being called out to Egypt regularly for work. Hermione was next, having been fetched by Paradox. Then came Adrian quickly followed by Lee and the Patil twins. The greetings were loud and extremely affectionate followed by a game of chase mixed with hide and seek but soon enough everyone was settled around the giant kitchen table with steaming mugs of their favoured hot drink. Death started off proceedings this time, "The kids have discovered something disturbing involving Dumbledore which requires all our attention. I'll let them explain though."

Adrian had been chosen beforehand as their spokesperson as he was the calmest as well as the best public speaker. Standing, he lent forward slightly on the table, "At the start of the year we were all warned to stay away from the third-floor corridor if we didn't want to die a most painful death."

Waiting for the adults' murmurs of consternation to die down, he continued, "Harry was worried this was a way for Dumbledore to test his Prophecy child so we sent a small and well-equipped team of scouts to investigate. We discovered that the door wasn't warded at all and the only thing holding it closed was a first-year locking spell."

Severus looked furious at this and it took a very long time to calm his mutterings so that Adrian could continue, "On the other side was a Cerberus guarding a trap door. Not only are Cerberus' extremely dangerous but also very easy to counteract. Needless to say, we were not impressed."

It was clear that none of the adults were either. Remus was chalk-white and it was obvious that his final vestiges of respect for the Headmaster were going up in smoke. Smiling grimly, Adrian sat down as Padma took his place, "What we couldn't understand was how Dumbledore was planning to test Harry. That was when Tom realised that Professor Quirrell's body is currently playing host to Voldemort's spirit."

Complete uproar broke out. All the adults were yelling about Dumbledore's stupidity and questioning the old fool's sanity. Paradox eventually got them all to shut up and sit down so that Padma could finish her explanation.

"Thank you." The witch sighed gratefully, "I soon worked out that the thing being guarded and used to lure Voldemort to the castle was the Philosopher's Stone."

"What?!" Lucius yelled, leaping to his feet. "That'll attract every criminal and dark wizard out there!"

"That's what I said," Adrian muttered, smiling slightly at the blond lord. Glancing at the pair, Padma ploughed on.

"Now, we've got a good idea as to what is guarding the stone but we were hoping for more information and ideas so that we can successfully retrieve the stone without any danger as soon as possible," She finished calmly before sitting down gracefully next to her sister.

Silence fell as everyone thought over the problem put before them, Severus spoke up at last, "My protection is a logic riddle that would easily stump any dark wizard but that you should all have no problem with. I know that Neville is more than qualified to deal with Sprout's defence while Harry and Tom can deal with Flitwick's. McGonagall's challenge is a life-sized version of wizards' chess where you must take the places of some of the pieces and play your way across. Quirrell provided a mountain troll but I know already that you can deal with that."

The group was grinning by the end. This was all things they'd predicted to some degree and could overcome with little effort if they sent the right members of the group. Neville, Harry and Tom were a must while Draco and Adrian were their chess masters. Padma and Hermione were both extremely good at logic puzzles so it was just a matter of which out of the last four would go and who would be left to help with the diversion. They finally had the start of a plan, now all they needed was time to iron out the details before implementing it on their return to Hogwarts.


	17. Mischief Managed

**I'm still alive! So sorry it's been so damn long since the last chapter, life has been a bit of a mess as of late and my muse disappeared entirely in relation to all my fics. I've only just been managing my college work, just about. NEVER WRITE COMEDY SIT COM SCRIPTS! They are absolute hell on earth to write. I am now convinced that I am completely devoid of humour and incapable of being funny. Anyway, chapter, yes. Will be able to move on to end of year, summer and Chamber of Secrets beginning stuff next chapter hopefully! Yay!**

It was the last full day of the Christmas holidays. The many children in the house were goodness knows where, the many adults had collectively decided they didn't want to know. Bill was upstairs with Barty and yet again, no one wanted to know what was happening on the other side of the bedroom door. The silencing charms said enough. Frank, Alice, Lucius, Sirius and a newly enlightened Remus were sat around the huge kitchen table with mugs of tea chatting away quietly and studiously ignoring all the crazy or worrying things occurring in the house around them.

The sitting room was the hub of the latest drama today. Earlier that morning, Paradox had been heard to yell, "That conniving _bitch!_ " Before proceeding to 'meditate'. Death's only explanation was to shrug and mutter, "Probably our mother."

Paradox was now hovering cross-legged somewhere near the ceiling surrounded by a glowing burgundy aura that was lashing out furiously every few seconds. Death, Severus and Charlie were sat below over by the fireplace. Death seemed totally relaxed while Charlie seemed to be following the rule of ignorance is bliss. Severus, however, would stop and glare worriedly up at the tense figure bobbing above him, causing Death to smirk smugly. Just then, Sirius wandered in.

"Severus, I've been meaning to ask you for a while now but never really got up the nerve. Why _did_ you join the Death Eaters?"

"Why the hell are you bringing this up now you bag of fleas?" Severus snapped irritably.

Sirius winced as he sank into a nearby armchair, "Because, thanks to Pan up there, I know that it wasn't the Marauders. We may have helped you along towards them, but it wasn't what convinced you. We've had far too many conversations about what I did to you and I know if I try to apologise again you'll hex me, but I do want to know. Believe it or not you're my friend now you cantankerous bastard."

Severus sighed deeply and slumped back in his chair, "I believed in their original goals. Still do."

"What?!" Charlie shouted.

"Shut it Weasley." Severus snapped angrily, "I don't mean the killing and torture you dimwit. I am perfectly aware that that's wrong and I in no way condone it and never did. What I mean is the protection of our culture. Here in Wizarding Britain we have centuries worth of rich heritage, traditions and even religion but the influx of muggleborns who are never educated about our way of life is slowly destroying that same culture and centuries of tradition. We are no longer allowed to celebrate Samhain, Beltain, Imbolc, Lughnasadh, Ostara or Mabon. Yule is now Christmas and Midsummer is just another day. I acknowledge that some of Voldemort's biggest supporting pureblood families are insane inbred muggleborn haters who only want to kill people but a lot of us truly wanted to stop the destruction of our way of life. We had no clear idea what we were really getting ourselves into and desperately wanted out as soon as we knew."

Charlie has subsided into a state of shock by the end of Severus' speech and quickly got up to stumble towards the kitchen muttering something about needing a drink. Sirius just looked thoughtful and continued to sip his tea for several minutes in contemplative silence.

"Thank you, Severus. That's given me a lot to think about. With my position on the Wizengamot, Paradox sitting in Proxy for Harry and Tom and Lucius' seats and connections we have a considerable power base already. If you wish I could aid you in taking up the Prince seat and we could start the ground work for the reform of our society. We've already been doing a lot of work but have mainly been working on creature rights and Muggleborn work opportunities and discrimination. Now though we have time to turn our attention to the education system and I think it is time a mandatory Wizard Studies, Traditions and History class was introduced at Hogwarts for the muggleborn students with catch up classes available to all adult muggleborns. We can campaign to bring back our old holidays and traditions and in the process, win the support of many purebloods who would otherwise flock to Voldemort."

"Do you know, flea bag, that might be the most intelligent suggestion I have ever heard you make."

"I do have a brain, you know. And I don't have fleas, Remus makes sure of it."

"I did not need to know that, furball."

The brewing trade of insults was halted by Paradox finally descending from the ceiling. Standing, she waltzed across the room before throwing herself into Severus' conveniently placed lap. Severus immediately tried to remove her. Unfortunately, Paradox is a god so could not be moved if she didn't want to.

"So… Was I right in my assumption of the 'bitch' being our dear mother?" Death drawled, examining his nails lazily.

"Oh, naturally." Paradox chirped, grin showing slightly too many teeth to be pleasant.

"What did she do to cause such an extreme reaction?" Severus growled, "You've been up there all morning."

"Aww, did ickle Sevvy miss me?" Paradox cooed.

"Don't be ridiculous, just answer the question." Snarled Severus.

"Meanie." She pouted before launching into an explanation, "So, our delightful mother happens to be the Goddess of Time. This, of course, included time travel before I came along and for whatever reason gained primacy over that. It's one of the many reasons she hates me so damn much. In her eyes, I stole something that is rightfully hers so every so often she gets the bright idea to try and steal it back. It's not like she can, I have complete and irrevocable ownership over time travel, but every time she tries I have to spend hours watching over all of time and space to make sure she doesn't mess anything up and potentially destroy a whole universe in the process. It's a right pain."

"You mean to tell me…" Sirius said slowly, "That this whole time you've been up there effectively patrolling all of time and space within all of the billions of parallel universes to prevent their possible demise all because your mother's a greedy bitch who doesn't know when to quit?!"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I don't know how you do it, but I know I sure as hell could not survive your life sweetheart."

"Aw, thank you, you're so sweet."

Severus actually growled slightly and tugged Paradox further onto his lap and away from the man that he logically knew was very very gay. Didn't stop the socially stunted, systematically abused man from feeling a momentary surge of irrational jealousy though. It didn't help that he caught sight of Death's smug grin this time.

The awkward situation brewing was interrupted by Barty bursting into the room waving his left hand over his head wildly. "He proposed! He actually proposed! I'm getting married!"

With a whoop, Paradox was out of Severus' lap and across the room to pull the excited man into a tight embrace.

"Congratulations!" She yelled, "About time he asked. _Bill,_ where the hell are you?" She hollered, bouncing through the open doorway and descending on the beaming young man standing at the foot of the stairs.

"I'm very happy for you both." Called Remus, glancing longingly at Sirius who had followed after Paradox. Sirius, catching the look, turned panicked eyes to Alice who mouthed 'we'll talk later'. Hugs were exchanged before the happy couple left through the floo to inform Bill's family of the happy news, Charlie following after them.

"You know," Death mused, "The only thing missing now is a prank."

No sooner had the words left his mouth than the whole house burst into life around them. The walls sprouted vines and tree branches, the floor became covered in a thick layer of grass and leaves and the ceiling changed to match the sky. Finally, the adults turned to look at each other to discover that they'd all undergone their own transformation. Sirius and Remus both now sported fox ears and a tail, Alice and Frank's faces were covered in a layer of black and white striped fur, clearly meant to be like that of a Badger, Lucius' hair was now made entirely of feathers and his nose was far more beak like than was usual. Severus was a little different, he now sported a pair of huge bat wings that had passed right through his shirt in a reminder of his black teaching robes. Paradox and Death were the funniest, Paradox now sported a huge red squirrels tail that kept twitching and waving excitedly while Death's hair was now made up of black feathers while his neck and arms were thickly covered by the same feathers, clearly meant to be like those of a raven.

"I _knew_ we should have checked what they were doing!" Lucius groaned, running fingers through what had once been his hair. Laughter was heard from outside the window and the adults turned in time to see the pack of children running for safety, a camera clasped tightly in George's arms.

It took a very long time to return everything almost to normal and all the adults still had vague remnants of their animal characteristics the next day when dropping the kids off at the platform. Unfortunately, George had hidden the camera, and nobody had succeeded in discovering its location. The usual affectionate goodbyes and warnings not to be caught were passed around before the group boarded the train. It didn't take long to find a compartment and expand it to fit their whole party.

"So…" Harry started slowly, "This term things get serious. We have to decide who exactly is going to retrieve the stone and who will be on distraction duty. I know that I'll be going along with Tom, Neville, Padma and Draco. The Cerberus is easy, Draco plays violin as it happens. Neville will be there to deal with the plant, Tom and I can fly for Flitwick's, Draco will lead us through McGonagall's chess game, Neville, Tom and I can deal with the Troll and then Padma will be there for Sev's logic puzzle. Any questions?"

"Why Padma and not me?" Hermione asked timidly.

"Because Padma has a twin that we can use to provide alibis for at least one of us." Tom explained gently.

"Surely by that logic it would be better if I joined Harry and you went with the distraction team to continue that goal." George butted in.

"Very good point, we'll alter things to that. As long as we have an additional powerhouse to help with the Troll we should be fine." Harry stated firmly. Adrian, I know this sounds strange, but I need you in charge of our image. We want the teachers at least to think that there's a sensible member of our group so your job will be to distract as many of them as possible in a detailed debate of rules and regulations at Hogwarts. Don't go into loopholes or anything, just all the obscure or little-known rules as if you're checking what is and isn't allowed."

"That makes perfect sense, keep them occupied and unaware while building trust for future endeavors. I shall be happy to comply."

"Right," George chimed in, "Fred, Tom, Padma. We need you to convince people that both members of each set of twins are wandering the castle separately and up to no mischief. Clear?"

"Clear!" The trio chorused loudly.

"The rest of you are on prank duty, pull as many or as little as you want, just make sure people think everything's business as usual."

"Right!"

The plan was made, the mission was set, now to see how effectively their plan would work in practice.

They set things into operation that very weekend. It was risky doing this in broad daylight, but they felt they were less likely to run into Quirrell attempting the same than if they went for it at night.

Lee was busy setting up fireworks to go off in the Great Hall. Hermione was up near the Gryffindor dorms carefully painting the whole corridor bright red and green decorated with little love hearts and the word 'Slytherdor'. Everything was hidden by a variation of the cloaking spell they used regularly that she'd adapted just the other day until she was finished and clear of the area. Teddy, Meanwhile, was using copious amounts of the levitation charm to hit the knot on the Whomping Willow to keep it still as he covered it in streamers, paper flowers and piñatas before standing well back to watch the chaos unfold.

Adrian had managed to capture the attention of a good many teachers and had started a fierce debate over which rules were still in effect and which should really be removed as they were hideously outdated. Fred, Tom and Parvati were having a wonderful time popping all over the castle and appearing in different house colours depending on which twin they were currently playing.

Meanwhile, on the third-floor corridor, Harry had just unlocked the door as Draco began gently playing a tune on his violin. They only entered when snoring could be heard, Draco still playing softly. Moving quickly and efficiently, they shifted the giant paws off the trap door, flung it open and shone the light from their wands through the opening.

"I knew it!" Neville whisper-crowed, "I knew it'd be Devil's Snare!"

They watched for a moment longer as the plant writhed and shifted away from the faint light.

"We'll jump down in the dark so the plant cushions our landing then as soon as we're all there we light up our wands as bright as we can to drive it back." Neville ordered, already extinguishing his wand light. Everyone nodded before following his instructions, Draco going last and clutching his violin close as he fell. The plan went off without a hitch, the Devil's snare instantly cringing away from their wands and loosening its already tight hold on their limbs.

Hastily, Draco shrunk and pocketed his violin, being careful to cast a few protection charms he'd been sure to learn in advance.

Continuing, they soon came to a room full of flying keys. Instantly, George was over at the other door, examining the keyhole and shouting possible descriptions to Harry who was already in the air searching and fighting off keys. Soon enough, he shot through the air and passed the key over to George who threw the door open, chucked the key back into the air and ushered everyone through into the next room.

"Well that's been anticlimactic so far." He commented casually, turning to face the giant chess board. "Never mind, would prefer more of that. This will be tense."

"Oh, hush you big baby." Draco scolded as he walked carefully towards the black pieces. "Right, Harry's King, I'm Queen, Neville and George are Knights and Padma's a Rook. Move, move, move!"

Everyone ran towards the spaces now cleared on the board for them and the game began. It was a long, tense battle as George predicted as Draco was playing to keep everyone safe while still winning the game. There were several times everyone was sure it was impossible, and he'd surely have to sacrifice himself or one of the others. He escaped time and time again though, saving all their necks. Finally, Draco had the King cornered and was able to call Check Mate. A relieved group moved forward beyond the white pieces and took a moment to collect themselves before moving on to face the Troll. Even with Harry, George and Neville's combined efforts it would be a hard fight against the Troll's magically resistant skin.

Soon enough though, they knew they had to continue. Looking nervous, the three fighters stepped up and crept through the door. The stench hit them like a physical strike to the face as a roar almost deafened them. Looking up, the group realised that this Troll was far bigger than the one that had broken in at Halloween. Thinking quickly, both Neville and George fired off overpowered bludgeoning hexes at the creatures' stomach while Harry took a moment to survey the room and think out possible battle plans. The hexes both hit and sent the huge monster stumbling back a few paces and let out a bellow of pain. No physical injuries appeared though and soon the pillar of lumpy flesh was barreling towards them again. This time George opted for a cutting curse while Neville cast a second bludgeoning hex. The curse seemed to work as a thin line of blood appeared right across the Troll's saggy belly even as Neville's hex sent it careening backwards yet again. By this point the creature was furious, and decided to throw his huge club at the small band of students.

"Protego!" Harry shouted, finally entering the fray. "That gives me an idea, Wingardium Leviosa! Depulso!" With that, Harry sent the giant club rocketing through the air and colliding into the Troll's disproportionally small head. The beast swayed, staggered a bit, then fell to the ground with an earth-shattering crash.

"Well that's that dealt with." Harry muttered absently, wandering towards the opposite door leading to the potions room.

"Is he alright?" Padma asked worriedly.

"Hm? Oh yes, absolutely fine." Neville responded, "Probably just trying to work out how he would go about recreating the effects of the Philosophers Stone. He probably will and then forget all about the whole thing as he'll be bored with it."

"Ah, I see. He really is a little eccentric, isn't he?"

"Eccentric's one way of putting it. To be fair, we all are, comes with the territory."

Conversation over, they followed Harry across the room and through the door only for black and purple flames to spring up to block their exits.

"You're up, Padma!" Harry called from over by the table.

Hurrying over, Padma examined the riddle left by Professor Snape very carefully before triumphantly plucking a small bottle from the table. "There's only enough for two so who'll go with Harry?"

"I will." George stated firmly, stepping up next to the smaller boy. Harry nodded his agreement, so Padma handed over the bottle. They each took a sip before vanishing through the black flames.

Harry and George found themselves in a chamber empty of everything except for a giant mirror. Confused, the two friends walked forward carefully, checking constantly for traps. Soon, though, they were stood directly in front of the mirror and Harry jumped back with an oath as the Philosophers Stone dropped into his pocket.

"What the hell?" He exclaimed as he stared at the thing they'd come to liberate.

"This really was anticlimactic." George muttered, "At least the Troll gave us a half-decent fight."

"Come on," Harry replied, "Let's go."

It didn't take long to join the others and make their way back through the rooms. When they got to the chamber beneath the trap door, Neville stood with his lit wand raised high as Harry flew Draco up playing his violin, then everyone else one by one before finally fetching Neville. Hastily they snuck out of the Cerberus' room, relocked the door, and disappeared along the corridor and towards the Room of Requirement.

 _'_ _Mission successful.'_ Harry, George and Padma sent out to their twins.

Now all they had to do was get the stone to Paradox, she'd know what to do with it.

 **Sorry there's not anything more detailed about the chess game. I know nothing about chess, I have played a grand total of one chess game in my whole life, I would just insult all you chess masters out there if I even attempted it.**


	18. Meeting the Flamels

**Hi everyone. Sorry for the long wait, I'm beginning to think I'm cursed. Anyway, rest assured that it would have to be something really serious to make me abandon any of these stories before they're finished. Blame my sense of duty to all of my readers.**

Paradox was still sulking over having no Potions Master to prank when the parcel arrived rather suddenly. She hadn't been expecting anything so soon but was overjoyed at how quickly the children had worked.

"Brother dearest! We have a Philosopher's Stone to deal with... This is your jurisdiction so it's your choice what happens." She sang out happily.

Death appeared pretty quickly after hearing those words, looking rather startled, "Already?! They really don't waste any time..." he mumbled while examining the blood red stone now clutched in his fist.

"I'm so proud!" Sighed Paradox happily, expression turning sappy for a second.

"Right, I'll be off to visit the Flamels. You are going to find something to do other than mope over your lost plaything."

"I'm not moping!" Death just stared at her before disappearing with a crack.

"Okay, maybe just a little."

Death was stood outside a rather beautiful little cottage, the exact location didn't matter to him beyond the English Coast somewhere. He stood still for quite some time regarding the house thoughtfully, he knew most of the other Gods looked down on him for his calm acceptance of this couple evading him for so many centuries. The truth was that Death was actually kind of impressed by the ingenuity that had gone into the Stone's creation, in his eyes this couple deserved to live the way they chose as they had put considerable work into achieving it.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts he finally knocked on the blue front door before waiting patiently. Footsteps could be heard shuffling forward before the door was gently pulled open.

"Yes?" A rather frail looking man asked kindly, staring up at Death with mild curiosity.

"I apologise for intruding, but may I speak to you and your wife? It is rather urgent." Death pronounced while bowing slightly.

"Of course, of course! Perenell has just finished making some tea, I hope you'll be willing to join us for a cup?"

"I would be delighted." Murmured Death as he stooped to enter the small house. Quietly following the alchemist down the hall and into an old-fashioned sitting room. China clinked on a tray as a small, round old woman marched into the room beaming happily, "Oh how wonderful! A guest. Sit down dear and let me get you some tea."

Death allowed him to be propelled into a chair in a state of some bewilderment, this couple were not in the least bit alarmed at the appearance of a young, powerful wizard capable of bypassing their wards without setting off a single one. "Milk and sugar?"

"Just milk please." He answered automatically, and was soon accepting a steaming cup of tea and a plate with a scone on it.

Nicholas and Perenell settled themselves comfortably in a couple of armchairs facing him before Nicholas finally asked, "So who are you and what brings you to our door?"

Gulping, Death set down his plate and cup on a nearby table before drawing out the philosopher's stone. The looks of shock on the couple's faces would have been funny but Death really wasn't in the mood.

"My nephew and his friends recently retrieved this from Hogwarts after bypassing all of the defences placed around it. I should mention that my nephew is a first year student with his friends being around the same age. He sent it to my sister and I instantly sought you out to return it." Death stated bluntly, staring evenly at the white faced pair before him.

"Albus said it would be safe." Perenell whispered. "Dumbledore lied." Death cut her off fiercely. "My nephew is convinced that there was already a dark wizard in the school when he rescued the stone."

Nicholas regarded him shrewdly for a minute, "You never said who you were, don't you think we should know that much about you?"

Death sighed, he'd hoped they'd be too distracted to notice that and these were two people who deserved the truth from him, "You won't like my answer." He warned half-heartedly. "I'm sure we can cope." Nicholas answered wryly.

"Well... I'm Death, to put it bluntly. The reason for me to be wandering around on earth and having a nephew at Hogwarts is a very long and confusing story but needless to say, I'm here." He had expected them to be horrified and afraid at that pronouncement, deny the truth of his words, something. Instead they remained there, calm once more and smiling gently.

"I see..." Nicholas muttered, "I suppose you are here to make us destroy the stone. You must think we're mocking you."

"I plan to do nothing of the sort. The stone is your invention, one I respect you for greatly. It's fate is for the pair of you to decide." Death intoned solemnly, his respect for the couple rising still higher.

"Who would have thought that Death would be such a kind young man!" Perenell giggled lightly, "finish your tea dear while we discuss our options."

Death happily obeyed, respecting the boundaries of the silencing charm the pair erected around their chairs. The tea really was very good, he suspected it was proper loose leaf bought in some fancy speciality tea shop somewhere. He'd have to insist that Paradox started buying some regularly instead of the usual rubbish she insisted on getting. It was alright for her, she drank coffee so didn't have to touch the stuff.

"Mr Death?" Death jolted out of his ridiculous tea ramblings to discover the ancient couple staring at him. "Just Death is fine."

"Death then, we would like for you to destroy the stone right now if you would? I assume you can manage that with ease." Nicholas revealed impassively.

Death gaped at the couple in shock, "Destroy it? But why? You could run from me forever if you wanted to, why would anyone want to give that up?"

"Oh my dear!" Perenell exclaimed comfortably, "We've lived far longer than your average mortal, we've seen far too much of the world. Why do you think we live in seclusion? We are tired of all the violence and petty wars and long ago stopped being able to see the beauty and love that can also be found. Going with you would be a profound relief, believe me."

"I-I..." Death didn't know what to say, he was too used to people desperately trying to escape him at every opportunity, he'd accepted that as the way things were. To find people who truly embraced him and welcomed the end was a wonderful gift. Raising the hand holding the stone he watched dazedly as veins of black started to race through the heart of the stone, seeming to pulse silver rhythmically before the stone shattered into a fine sand that seemed to vanish as soon as it touched the ground.

"Thank you, my dear. Now, I imagine you have a lot to do and goodness knows we do too now that we are finally going to die soon." Perenell clapped her hands as she stood and started to shepherd the shell-shocked god from her home.

"Yes, of course." Death mumbled as he was deposited on the front step. "Come and visit us again soon! I'll be sure to have plenty of tea and cakes ready."

With that, the door closed and Death was left standing in the quiet garden. "I need a drink." He moaned as he disappeared back home.

Meanwhile, Paradox had decided that the best way to cure her moping was to go interfere in Sirius' love life. "Oh Sirius!" She sang, waltzing into his home, "When will I be seeing a lovely little ring on a werewolf's finger?"

Somewhere from within the building came a crash and several rather colourful curse words, Paradox snickered, her idea of making her voice seem to come from all directions all over the house had worked perfectly. " _Paradox!"_ Sirius hollered as he barrelled through the house towards her, "I'll kill you!"

"No you won't!" She chirped happily, "I'm immortal!" Sirius glared at her, "Damn you to hell." Paradox grinned, "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It was rather boring if I'm honest."

Sirius sighed and rubbed his face tiredly, Paradox wasn't sure why this seemed to be most peoples' default reaction to dealing with her, it was rather insulting. "Sooooo…" She purred, "When are you proposing?"

"Proposing?!" Sirius yelped, "Who said anything about proposing?"

Paradox walked over and banged her head off the wall, "Remus' face you idiot. What's keeping you? I'd understand it if you both decided that you didn't need a fancy ceremony, a piece of paper and some rings to signify your love and commitment for each other but Remus clearly wants all that nonsense."

Sirius looked like a trapped animal, "But I don't want to!" He yelped. "Why. Not." Paradox growled threateningly, "I don't know! Remus knows I love him, why does something like getting married make any difference?"

Paradox seriously considered hitting the Animagus, she really did. How could one person be this clueless about someone they cared so damn much about?

"Sirius. Remus is a _Werewolf._ He's spent his whole life being taught that he's dangerous and a second class citizen. You're the Head of an ancient Pureblood family. You know how insecure Remus is, he probably thinks that you would never go so far against society's expectations of you to marry a Werewolf. And a male one at that."

Sirius finally seemed to realise the problem, "You mean _that's_ the reason I've been getting sad puppy dog eyes ever since Barty and Bill's announcement?"

"Yes you complete idiot." Paradox shouted impatiently, "now what are you going to do about it?"

"Go ring shopping of course." Sirius looked at Paradox like she was an idiot. "Now if you'll excuse me I have some important business to attend to."

Paradox rolled her eyes and disappeared off home. It was a good feeling when she managed to talk sense into people.

 **So yeah... sorry if this chapter is short or anything, just thought I should let you all know I'm not dead or something.**


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